Page 70 of Not Quite a Scot


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Chapter 28

I was yawning when we climbed into bed. Finley was equally subdued. He spooned my back and buried his nose in my hair. “I’m sorry I flipped out today,” he muttered. “If I go see him tomorrow. Will you come with me?”

“Yes. If that’s what you want.” I was surprised he didn’t feel the need for privacy. Maybe the thought of facing his father andVanessa at the same time was too much.

For a long time, we laid there in silence. I thought he had fallen asleep, though I couldn’t be sure. I wanted to memorize this moment…crystallize it in some corner of my brain, so I could pull it out on the bad, lonely days and remember what it felt like to be truly happy.

In years to come, I would find another man to love. Finley had restored my faith in that possibility, at least. The idea of children and a home littered with evidence of family life gave my heart a squeeze.

Despite wanting Finley to be the man in the picture, I was under no illusions.

In the midst of my turmoil, I came to a few realizations of my own. I needed and wanted more of a relationship with my parents than I’d had with them thus far. It would require some work on my part. I couldn’t expect them to be more than they were. Still, they were blood. One day they would likely be grandparents. In the end, that counted for more than I had ever understood in my selfish youth.

Sighing, I wrestled my pillow into submission and rested my cheek on my hand. Despite the heavy things that had transpired today, I was in the mood for more than snoozing.

“Finley,” I whispered, “are you awake?”

Long silence. “Who wants to know?”

His answering whisper made me smile. I wiggled around in his embrace until our noses were practically touching. “I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day,” I said softly. “If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could have sex with me? I know it’s an imposition. I can’t sleep, and you’re better than a tranquilizer.”

He huffed. “You’re so demanding, Duchess. Don’t think I can’t hear when I’ve been insulted. Just for that, I ought to keep you awake all night.”

“Promises, promises.”

He slid his hands inside my cotton undies and cupped my butt. “The things I do for you,” he groaned.

I snuggled closer, feeling his erection nudge my belly. The man might have had a rotten day, but he wasn’t dead. I wanted to tell him I loved him. It didn’t seem fair to burden him with that. Not now. Maybe not ever. I had let him know where I was headed emotionally. It was up to him to decide what he wanted.

This coming together was different. The same heat was there, though the fire was banked. He wrapped me in tenderness. Every touch of his hands told me he cared about me. Caring and loving were two different animals. I needed to accept what he could give and not beg for more.

I kissed his throat and cupped his sex, inhaling his scent. He was warm and real and so very dear to me already. The few relationships I’d had in the past were pale imitations of this. Scotland had given me my own special man, even if only for a brief moment in time.

“Tell me, McKenzie. Tell me you want this.” The words were hoarse.

Couldn’t he see the truth? “I want you,” I said.

He entered me slowly, a firm, steady push. I closed my eyes as little flashes of light spangled the darkness behind my eyelids. Already, my body recognized his. We strained together, him claiming me…me claiming him.

“Ah, God, Duchess.” I thought I heard despair in his voice. It wounded me. I didn’t want to be another regret in his life. Shoving away the dark thought, I canted my hips and forced him deeper.

We fought each other…ravenous…desperate. I came so hard my head hit the top of the bed. Finley started to laugh. Then he lost control and pistoned his hips. A pained groan ripped from his chest when he found the peace he’d been looking for.

I stroked his back as he fell into the deep, drugged sleep of complete emotional exhaustion. Today had been hard. Tomorrow would be worse.

I lay awake in the dark knowing my decision about the future had changed. I would stay long enough to see Finley through this crisis. Then I would head back to Inverness. Earlier than planned. I’d foolishly thought I could enjoy the time we had left. That was a lie. In the last few minutes, my brain had finally understood what my gut already knew.

Finley was breaking my heart one beat at a time. To stay until the bitter end would be unbearable.

* * * *

In the morning, he was gone…at least from my bed. But this time, there was a note, short and sweet:

I’m going to see him at ten. Meet you in the kitchen. Finley

I waited for the rush of excitement. This was a positive step. Unfortunately, the only emotion I felt at the moment was sadness.

Thinking of Vanessa galvanized me into action. I hadn’t worn my white pantsuit since those first three days of the trip. I’d been careful to hang it up, and it was wrinkle free, thank goodness. All I had to do was spot clean a couple of little places on the pants. I chose a lavender silk shell to go underneath and topped it with a white silk Hermes scarf patterned with deep purple irises.

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