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He reached for her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “I don’t think I can stay away from you. I’m feeling the same things I felt five years ago. Seeing you face-to-face destroys me. Everything inside me says, ‘Hell yeah!’ I want to make love to you, Nikki. Rather desperately, in fact.”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “Those feelings in Atlantic City didn’t last ’til morning, Jake. You’re a flight risk.”
“What does that have to do with me wanting you? Besides, I don’t think this attraction is one-sided...is it?”
Tears sheened her eyes. Her chin wobbled. Her fingers curled around his. “No. But at what cost?”
“It will be our little secret. Just the two of us.”
“We both know that secrets can tear a family apart.” Her gaze clung to his, begging for assurance.
“Not this one. I give you my word. Come here, Nik. Let me show you.”
They met in the middle of the sofa, a ragged curse from him, a low moan from her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her recklessly, telling himself there was no danger. Sex was good. Sex was healthy.
Her body was soft, pliant. Her scent tantalizing.
She was perfection in his arms. That one night in Atlantic City had haunted his dreams. He told himself he had embellished the memories...the way their bodies seemed to recognize each other. But something had been different that night, and it was different still.
He wanted Nikki to be his teenage sweetheart, but she was not the same woman now. She had made a life for herself. What had Jake ever done but run?
Despite his unease, he couldn’t walk away. Touching her, kissing her, needing her. It was as simple and perfect as falling asleep in a feather bed. But the dark edge of lust was something more. Dangerous. Powerful. He was a man who respected women, yet in this fraught moment, he felt capable of behavior that frightened him.
Why, after so many years, did Nikki still have the power to push him beyond all reasonable boundaries?
When she put a hand to his chest and shoved, he was almost relieved.
“Wait, Jake. Please.”
He released her instantly, still recognizing the beast inside him. “You changed your mind.” His tone was low and flat, his mood mercurial.
She met his stormy eyes bravely. “I want you every bit as much as you want me. But I don’t have the same freedom you do. Every choice I make, every road I take, affects at least two other people. My life is inextricably tied to my mother’s and to Emma’s. I don’t have the luxury of spontaneity or reckless pleasure. As much as I wish things were different, I have to face the truth.”
“So you won’t make love to me?” He was frustrated now and trying to pretend this conflict wasn’t proof of all his misgivings.
“I don’t know,” she said, the words taut with misery.
“That’s no answer, Nik.”
“Then how about this? Not now. It’s too risky.”
“Does Emma wake up during the night? Is that it?”
“Not usually. But it feels wrong with her in the next room.”
“How can it be wrong if our being together created that perfect little girl?” Nikki was pale, obviously distressed. It was all he could do to keep his distance.
“Jake,” she said quietly. “This thing between us is like sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold night. Even though we scattered the logs years ago, and the blaze went out, somehow, a couple of small embers stayed close enough to create danger. I can’t explain it. We’re a weird paradox. Virtual strangers who somehow know each other very well.”
“You don’t feel like a stranger to me.” It was the God’s honest truth. One encounter in fifteen years? They should be awkward together. Instead, touching her was the easiest thing he had ever done. He wanted to drown in her.
“Maybe we need to back up. Spend some time talking. Getting reacquainted.”
“Talking?” He clenched his fists. “What will that accomplish?”
She lifted her chin. “You think you know me, but you don’t, Jake. We can’t pick up where we left off fifteen years ago. And not even where we were in Atlantic City. Time changes people. I’ve changed.”
His body vibrated with sexual tension. He was hard and desperate—a toxic combination. There was the tiniest possibility she was right. Only in Jake’s case, he had dealt with the tragedy in his past by moving slowly through the years. He’d made plenty of money. But he lived from day to day. Alone. Sometimes in the midst of a sea of people, but alone.
