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“I know you’re good at playing the stock market. But day-trading isn’t a full-time occupation, at least not in your situation. What else have you done for the past fifteen years? I wanted to write to you, but I never worked up the nerve to contact Joshua and ask for your addresses, snail mail or otherwise.”
“Why would you have to ‘work up the nerve’?”
She gnawed her bottom lip. “You blamed me for what happened. I thought Josh might, too. Believe me, I’ve wished a million times that I could turn back the clock and beg my father not to get involved with yours.”
Jake’s chest was tight. Mostly because he knew Nikki was right. Even as a twenty-two-year-old, Jake had known that his dad must have orchestrated whatever convoluted plan led to the painful implosion of Black Crescent. With Vernon Lowell missing and presumed dead, and Everett killed in a car chase, the details weren’t all that important.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he muttered, “but I’d rather talk about me than what happened fifteen years ago.”
Nikki nodded. “Fair enough.” She poked at the unpopped kernels at the bottom of her bowl. “You can hit the high spots. What does a twentysomething do when he sets out to seek his fortune?”
Jake leaned his chair back on two legs, completely willing to narrate a travelogue. That was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with messy emotions. “Everyone expected me to head to Europe, so I started out in Wyoming instead,” he said simply. “Working for a mountain-climbing school. Teaching inexperienced tourists the basics, so they could climb Grand Teton. It was a dangerous job at times. And I pushed the edge more than I should have. I wasn’t suicidal. But I didn’t really care what happened to me at that point.”
“How long were you there?”
“About eighteen months. One day I heard some guys whispering and snickering. They shut up when I walked by. I found out later that one of our climbing school pupils was from Jersey and recognized my face and my name from the news.”
“That must have been awful.”
“It was shocking. Humiliating. So I decided that North America was too close. I set out for Australia. I always wanted to travel more, so that’s what I did. A couple of weeks here. A month there. Gradually, I worked my way around the globe.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“It was. Mostly. Still, there were days I was so homesick I could hardly stand it. It was as if I was living life in slow motion. But that slow pace was the only way I knew how to handle the upheaval. Every time I thought about flying back to New Jersey, I remembered there was nothing left to return to.”
“How can you say that? Joshua and Oliver were here...and your mom.”
“I sent Oliver a few texts over the years, but he never answered. I thought he was still angry with me for leaving, but now I know he was busy partying, doing drugs. And I couldn’t face Joshua. I had run out on my twin... Left him to clean up my father’s mess.”
“My father’s mess, too...”
“Yes.”
“What about your mom?”
“She was in deep denial when I left. The few times I called home it was the same. ‘Vernon will be back. This is just one of his stunts.’ After six months, I still called her occasionally, but I quit talking about anything that happened at Black Crescent. I didn’t mention my dad’s name. It was too damn sad.”
“I’m sorry, Jake.”
“She and Oliver went to see him recently. Before I got back. Joshua couldn’t get any details out of them.”
“In a way, your mom was right. Vernon did come back. Don’t you wonder what happened to the money?”
“Every damn day.”
After a heartbeat of silence, Nikki smiled. “Still my turn,” she said. “What about you, Jake? Did you ever get married?”
The question stopped him dead in his tracks. “No,” he said bluntly.
“Any close calls?”
The expression on her face reflected mild curiosity, but he suspected she was hiding her true feelings. “None. I like my freedom too much.”
Nikki surprised him when she reached across the table and squeezed his arm briefly. “We have to get past this and move on. We’ve both played the hands we were dealt. I don’t hold any grudges, Jake. You are who you are. Maybe we could tell Emma the truth when she turns eighteen.”
“And have her resent me for missing her childhood?”
“You can’t have it both ways.”
