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“No problem, Ms. Reardon. She was a lot of fun, and she went to sleep as soon as I put her to bed. Call me again anytime.”
When the babysitter left, Nikki closed the front door and leaned her back against it. She had shed her coat when she walked in, but now her cashmere sweater and wool skirt felt too hot. Nella must have run up the thermostat.
It was fine, really. Emma sometimes tossed off her covers during the night. Nikki wanted her baby girl to be warm.
In the bathroom, she tried to avoid looking at herself in the mirror. She felt as if she was wearing a neon sign—I had sex tonight...with Jake Lowell.
Who really cared? If Nikki kept her head in the game and didn’t lose sight of the fact that Jake would leave New Jersey sooner than later, she couldn’t get hurt. Right?
After a long hot shower, she put on her oldest, comfiest pair of flannel pajamas and climbed into bed. When she closed her eyes, Jake was there in the bed with her. He had touched her hungrily but with such tender care. As if she was breakable.
She wasn’t. Not anymore. Life had knocked her down more than once, but she had picked herself up and kept going.
Though it was late, and her daughter would be up early, Nikki couldn’t sleep. She replayed the night with Jake over and over, stirring restlessly in her lonely bed.
No other guy she knew was as smart or as funny...or as dangerously masculine and attractive.
The sex tonight had been revelatory. Nikki responded to Jake like no other partner she had ever known. Not that there was even a handful to compare.
He drew something from her. Some deep expression of her femininity. With Jake, she felt sexual, sensual, elementally human in the best possible way.
For the first time, she let herself wonder if there was a way forward that included the two of them as a couple. They shared a child. It wasn’t so far-fetched an idea. They certainly had sexual chemistry. And a deep history. Similar backgrounds. Shared values.
What if she allowed herself to open up to him? To drop her resentment and anger and disappointment? What if she took Jake into her bed and into her life with a blank slate? Was there any possibility she might really be able to love him again? Did there exist a part of her that never stopped loving him?
If she lowered her defenses and let her emotions run wild, would Jake be able to reciprocate? It was scary to think of saying “I love you” and then being rejected.
When he had suggested that she and Emma visit Switzerland, the invitation had been couched in very temporary terms. To say Jake was skittish about commitment was like saying a zebra had stripes.
Nikki wanted more from a man. She deserved more. A life partner. Someone who would encourage her to grow and flourish, and who would love and support her.
Being honest with herself about the current situation was getting harder and harder. She wanted to dream.
By the time Wednesday rolled around, she had second-guessed herself a million times. She picked up Emma after Mom’s Day Out, stopped by the store and then rushed home to throw together a homemade lasagna. Soon, the kitchen was all warm and cozy and filled with the wonderful smells of tomato sauce and cheese and garlic.
Jake had sent a text, offering to pay for a babysitter so they could go out to dinner again, but Nikki had declined politely. Perhaps it was unfair, but she felt the need to test Jake’s reactions in a boring family setting. He couldn’t always splash his money around and expect to make problems go away.
Nikki liked being pampered as much as the next woman, but this relationship with Jake had three sides, not two. Tonight’s focus would be Emma. After Emma went to bed, all bets were off. Nikki hadn’t planned that far ahead. Some things were best left to chance.
Jake hadn’t asked again about staying over, and she hadn’t brought it up.
Unfortunately, the weather had taken a raw turn. The flurries they’d had for a few days were predicted to become accumulating snow sometime during the night. She wondered if Jake would cancel, and then felt sheepish when she realized how very much she dreaded that phone call.
She could tell herself all she wanted that she was keeping an emotional distance, but the truth was far different. Jake was deeply involved in her life already. She had allowed it, encouraged it and enjoyed it.
The real question was...did she want him to stay involved?
When the doorbell rang at five thirty on the dot, she dried her damp palms on her pants and took a deep breath. Emma was playing in her room, but she would soon be asking for dinner.
Nikki had decided to dress casually. Her stretchy black leggings and gold ballet flats were comfortable and cute. The off-the-shoulder sweater was turquoise. She looked like what she was—a middle-class suburban mom home for the evening.
The bell rang a second time. Evidently, she had dithered too long.
Scuttling through the house, she swept her fingers through her clean hair and checked her reflection in the hall mirror. Not bad. Her eyes were perhaps too bright, her smile too big. She inhaled sharply and let the air escape slowly. Calm, Nikki. Calm.
It took her two tries to grab the doorknob. At last, she flung open the door, letting in a rush of cold air and revealing the identity of her visitor, not that she’d had any doubt.
“Jake. Hi. Come on in.”
