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But he had left her, anyway.
Nikki shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. That night was a long time ago. I’ve moved on, believe me.”
Something struck him. “We used protection,” he said, feeling suspicion creep back in. How could he trust her? Did he know her at all after fifteen years? If he was really the father, why the secrecy?
“Not every time.” She stared him down. “It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. Emma is the result of our reckless reunion. You and I were both curious, weren’t we? And blindsided by sexual attraction. A decade before that night in the casino, we had been on the verge of a physical relationship. But then your father and mine destroyed everything. I suppose Atlantic City was closure, in a way. We came full circle.”
They finished their meal in silence, the mountain of regrets and what-ifs too tall to climb. Jake was achingly aware of Nikki’s beauty, her poise, her intense femininity.
When Nikki was almost eighteen, Jake had fled Falling Brook never to return. Even then, he had understood what he was giving up, but his father’s actions had made staying impossible. The closest Jake had come to Falling Brook in the intervening years was a visit to Atlantic City five years ago. Running into Nikki had knocked him off balance. The long-ago feelings, the yearning and the need for her, had come roaring back to life.
He and Nikki had reminisced. When Nikki finished her shift, she went to his room at his invitation. They had showered together, tumbled into bed and screwed each other until dawn. Even now, the memories made him hard.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye.”
She grimaced. “You’re forgiven.” Her gaze was filled with something he couldn’t decipher. “It would have been a very awkward morning after if you had stayed,” she said.
“And then you found out you were pregnant. That must have been a shock.”
Her face flushed. She nodded slowly. “You have no idea. Telling my mother was hard. After Daddy died in the car crash, she imploded emotionally. Our roles reversed. She has helped me enormously with Emma, of course, but Mom leans on me.”
“It makes sense. She lost her whole world and way of life. Except for her daughter.” He paused, swallowing hard. “You and I didn’t do much talking that night in Atlantic City. What happened to you after you left Falling Brook? Before I met up with you again?”
“Nothing earth-shattering. I made it through four years at a state school. Got my degree. Mom and I worked multiple jobs to cover tuition and to handle our living expenses.”
He had a gut feeling there was more to the story. So he pushed.
“And after you finished school? I count at least five or six missing years until I ran into you in Atlantic City.”
“I got married.”
“Married?” He parroted the word, feeling like somebody had punched him in the belly. “Married?” So Emma did have a dad after all. Anger returned, mixed with an emotion he didn’t want to examine too closely. “I’m surprised your husband is so open-minded. Letting you go out to dinner with another man...”
His sarcasm didn’t even make her blink. Nikki Reardon was a cool customer. “The marriage didn’t last long,” she said. “Two years. He resented my privileged past. Had a chip on his shoulder about my upbringing. I realized I had said ‘I do’ because I was lonely. Our relationship was doomed from the start.”
“I’m sorry,” Jake said stiffly. He was still coping with the fact that he was jealous. Jealous of a faceless man who had slept with Nikki. Since when did Jake get jealous about any woman? He was a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy.
She cocked her head. “And what about you, Jake? All I know is that you travel the world. I’m not sure how that’s a full-time occupation, but it sounds like fun.”
The note of criticism stung. “I’m lucky,” he said lightly. “I learned about day-trading early in my life. And I have a knack for it. In among my many adventures, I made a few bucks here and there. Enough to eat and hit the road whenever the mood strikes me.”
Nikki’s smile mocked his statement. “You’re wearing a limited-edition Rolex. I may not have money anymore, but I haven’t lost the ability to recognize luxury when I see it.”
“Being comfortable isn’t a crime. I like to think I’m generous with my money. I don’t maintain a huge house. So I wander. I value experiences. Learning my way around the planet has changed me and made me a better person. At least I hope so.”
The way Nikki stared at him made him itchy and uncomfortable. It was as if she could see through to his soul. When was the last time he had ever articulated so honestly what he wanted from life? Never?
“You’re fortunate,” she said slowly. “And I don’t blame you a bit. You’re still a young man. Healthy. Wealthy. Unattached. Why not enjoy what the world has to offer?”
Something about her response bothered him, but he couldn’t pinpoint his unease.
“We need to make some plans,” he said.
Nikki lowered her fork, her expression wary. “Plans?”
“Plans for integrating my life with Emma’s. I’ve missed four years. I won’t miss any more. She’s a part of me.”
Every bit of color leached from Nikki’s porcelain complexion. Now he could almost count the smattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose. “Absolutely not,” she said, her tone fierce. “I won’t have you playing at fatherhood and then walking away. Emma is happy and well-adjusted. She doesn’t need you, Jake.”
Perhaps Nikki realized her rejection was harsh. She circled back to the beginning. “You’re a good man, but you’re not father material. Emma is better off having no father than one who flits in and out whenever the wind blows.”
He ground his jaw, trying to control his temper. “You’re making a lot of assumptions about me, Nik.”
“It’s been fifteen years since you walked away from Falling Brook. From your family. From me. You’ve never been back. Not once. You juggle demons, Jake.”
He felt raw. Only someone who had known him so well would dare to diagnose his behavior. “At least I don’t keep secrets,” he muttered.
She stood abruptly and gathered her coat and clutch purse. “Take me home, please. I want to go now.”
