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“Margo’s safe,” Alison said firmly. “We’re all looking out for her.”
I tried to forget it and get into rehearsal, but Eli had once again taken over my thoughts completely.
My first dayback at school had me sick with worry, too. Dad drove me to the front gates, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car.
“What if I can’t do it?” I said for the tenth time that morning.
“You can,” he said, also for the tenth time that morning. “You’re going to have to learn how to deal with this in any case. If it gets too overwhelming, you can leave early, but at least give it a try.”
My parents had been far more laidback about school since I agreed to repeat the year, but they still insisted I attend. It sucked that I would be stuck studying for exams when the others were off to college or work.
“I love the sympathy. Really appreciate it.” Too late, I heard my tone get snotty. “Sorry. I’m nervous.”
“I know,” he said. “But this is our new normal. We have to start as we mean to go on, so take it easy in there, okay? Remember that you’re still Margo. Don’t let the other stuff be an excuse. You’re in control. Keep it that way.”
Successfully chided, I headed inside, took one step into the main hallway, and then stopped short. My heartbeat pounded, but that was nothing compared to the over-the-top ridiculous level of noise coming from the students. People brushed past me, filling my nose with a murky mixture of nasty scents that I couldn’t discern.
The wolf was panicking. I was panicking. I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t separate any of it in my head, couldn’t get a hold on reality. My head spun, and my eyes swam. It was harder to breathe, all of a sudden.
“Let it go,” Dorian murmured, his voice piercing through the noise.
I flinched. I hadn’t even sensed him behind me. “It’s so confusing,” I said. “How do you deal with this every day? It’s so loud. And the smell. Why does it smell like feet?”
“It’s pretty awful if you try to focus on all of it at once,” he said. “Find my scent. Concentrate on that one thing. It gets easier from there, but nobody can do this all at once.”
My head hurt. “I get why Victor used to be so pissed off at school all of the time,” I grumbled. But I tried to follow Dorian’s advice. I knew his scent better than anyone at school. He touched my hand; I felt my feet on the ground again and knew the worst was over. I inhaled and let Dorian’s smell fill my nostrils. That warm familiarity pushed out everything else as long as I concentrated. His scent reminded me of the woods. I found older trails, manifested them as winding paths throughout the school.
I laughed, half to myself.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I’m a very visual wolf.”
“All right,” he said. “What do you see?”
“All of the paths you take. Did you know you walk almost exactly the same way down this hallway? I can see your tracks, how they’re barely even a step out of place.”
“I did know that,” he said, sounding amused. “I stay as close to the wall as possible.”
“Why?”
“Instinct, maybe? Can’t get surrounded on all sides if one of those sides is a wall.”
“Paranoid.” I closed my eyes. I could sense him so clearly that I had no idea how he had managed to sneak up on me. “I have a headache from the noise.”
“You get used to that. Mostly. Full pack meetings get way worse than this. But nothing beats Diane crying. That kid can shriek.”
That made me smile. “I thought you loved having a baby around.”
“I do. My eardrums aren’t always pleased though. See the way you’re breathing now? Keep doing that. Especially when you get agitated.”
“I’m breathing normally.”
“Exactly.”
I laughed and faced him. “You’re the weirdest teacher.”
“And you’re going to be late for your first class if you don’t hurry.”
