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“What does it matter if I repeat the year?”
“It’ll be easier if you do some work now.”
“I hate when you’re right.” I heaved a sigh, but I followed him anyway. He was my biggest support, always. Whenever I fell apart, he was there to put me back together, holding the pieces of me into place until I was strong enough to do it myself. “Thank you,” I whispered. “For everything.”
He looked at me, confused, and I smiled back at him. He wasn’t even aware of the things he did, of how much his gestures meant to me. Not only me. Other people appreciated him, too. He was so special that I never wanted him to feel let down by me or anyone else.
“What?” he said, and I realised I had been staring at him for a long time.
“I really love you,” I blurted. My cheeks grew hot. I needed to control my mouth, too.
He took my hand and pulled me after him, into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind us.
“What are you doing?” I asked, still embarrassed.
He held my gaze. “Say it again.”
“No.” He looked so disappointed that I couldn’t take it. “I said I love you! Can we not make a thing of it?”
“Oh, I am absolutely making a thing of it,” he retorted with a cheeky grin. “Do it again.”
I pushed him away, reaching for the door. He hugged me from behind. “I love you, too.”
“Was that so hard?” I demanded, but I turned in his arms to kiss him, and all of my stress melted away. I’d been worrying for nothing. He kissed me like he ached for me, and that was exactly how I felt, too. Of all the problems in the world, how Dorian felt about me wasn’t one of them.
The rest of the day went better, and I did get used to the noise. It wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped, and I likely would have to concentrate hard at the start of every day for a long time, but as Mam had said, the cons beat dying.
I was allowedto live at home, but time and time again, I found myself drawn to the pack. We fell into a new routine. Victor was living closer to me, so he would knock for me, then we’d both head over to pack territory together and hang out with Dorian and Alison, visit Perdita and the baby, or even go for a run. Time kept passing, and there had been no sign of Eli. The rumours had come to nothing, and the police had come up with nothing. All of that nothing helped everybody relax.
Dr Rivers had checked up on me a lot, but I seemed to be perfectly healthy. The pack was doing well, and even Vira seemed happier, often visiting Perdita.
Sometimes that felt like a trick. She could easily gather information on us to share with Eli. Or maybe I was paranoid. A part of me had hoped we’d connect somehow, find some common ground, but our every encounter seemed to grow more awkward. The distance between us kept widening, and I wasn’t sure which one of us was keeping the other at bay.
Running into Vira while visiting Perdita was guaranteed to make everyone uncomfortable. After one such afternoon, Perdita invited me to walk with her and baby Diane.
She pushed the pram with a quick stride while I glanced around, constantly alert for danger. The wolf never truly relaxed, especially when we were in the presence of someone weaker than us. It was exhausting, but at least I was getting a good night’s sleep on a regular basis.
“How are you settling into pack life?” Perdita asked.
“It’s been good so far,” I said. “Harder than I thought it would be, but everyone’s pretty accepting. This is going to sound weird, but I think my wolf is obsessed with your baby.”
Perdita let out a surprised laugh. “That does sound weird. I thought you seemed on edge, but I suppose that’s natural. Diane’s the most vulnerable member of the pack right now.”
That made sense. “So I won't always be like this?”
“Probably not.” She glanced at me. “This might not be any of my business, but I’ve noticed how uncomfortable you are around Vira. Do you want me to give you a heads-up when she comes over?”
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn't mean to make it awkward for you, too. I suppose I don’t trust her yet. Maybe it’s not even that. I’m waiting for her to let me down, to betray us, to run away again. I don’t know. She hasn’t done anything to make me think she’s working with Eli, but even still, I keep waiting for a sign.”
“Let’s sit for a bit.” Perdita manoeuvred the pram into the local park then found a seat at a bench facing the pond. “It must be hard for you.”
“It’s hard for her, too,” I admitted. “I should suck it up, but part of me doesn’t want to.”
“I’m sure I mentioned this already, but I’ve had an odd relationship with my mother, too. She left when I was a baby, and my dad and Gran raised me. When we finally reconnected, she never felt like a mother figure to me, and I couldn’t fully trust her either. It felt like we never got anywhere, so eventually, I started to think of her as a friend I saw only occasionally, and I began to like her better.”
I watched a small girl run past, almost falling only to be scooped up into her mother’s arms. “I can’t imagine Vira being my friend.” Or a mother.
“How about a mentor? She knows how it feels to hide her gift. After all, the compound doesn’t allow women to practice. I know you and Amelia have been talking about how to deal with Eli and his spirits, but what if you got some input from Vira, too?”
