AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m not.” He leaned back in his seat, his expression sullen. “You know, Victor asked me something similar. He thought I wasn’t mad enough or worried enough or whatever.” He met my questioning gaze. “I am mad. I am worried. I’m afraid, even. But I can’t deal with what’s happening if I lose my head. I can’t be there for you if I’m too busy fretting. Losing it won’t get me any further in any way, so I’m choosing not to.”
“Teach me how, please.” I blew out a sigh. “I’m a mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’ve been through a lot. You moved, solved a murder, helped a spirit find peace, found out you were a harbinger, stopped an arsonist, and even met your birth mother. And now this? You haven’t had a chance to deal with half of it. I’m surprised it’s taken this long to hit you.”
“I feel pathetic,” I admitted. “And selfish. Everyone is at risk because of me, and I keep accepting everyone’s help and protection. I can’t even use whatever it is I can do to help. I don’t want to be alone again, but that’s the only way I can think of that can help. This is miserable.”
“It’s not pathetic to have feelings,” he scoffed. “It’s not selfish to accept love. The people who want to help and protect you don’t want you to get hurt. How do you think any of us would feel if you got hurt when we could have protected you? Imagine how your parents would feel if we abandoned you, and you got hurt.”
I closed my eyes, but I didn’t have to imagine. I already knew. Mam would rage at the werewolves, blaming them, and Dad would break. Dorian would feel guilty, no matter what.
“Besides,” he continued. “You’re the one who keeps saving people. You give us time to help, and that makes you special, sure, but you’ve always been strong. Struggling doesn’t make you weak. Taking a minute to process what’s going on isn’t a flaw. Getting back up when you’ve been knocked down is the part that should define you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’ve never felt so scared of anything before. Even Vira creeped me out. I mean, the way she made me feel is how I’ve been making people feel my whole life. How messed up is that?”
He reached across the table for my hand without a word, and somehow that made me want to talk.
“I’m not just afraid of the harbingers or that someone will get hurt,” I admitted. “I’m afraid I’m too happy here, that I’ll lose everyone. I’ve never had this before, never had so many people accept me without trying to change me. Back home, Erin was my only real friend. Everyone else was Erin’s friend, and she was constantly embarrassed by me. She was always trying to make me look and act like everyone else. She didn’t like who I was, and I never felt good enough.”
I stared at our entwined hands on the table. I couldn’t have imagined that not so long ago.
“I had a rough start here, but it feels like home now. When you left with my dad, I got so used to the pack. Deep down, they’re a family, no matter what happens on the surface. I I wanted that, too. I wanted to be accepted by somebody other than my parents. I always have. But Vira…” I shivered at the thought of her. “She’s my blood relative, but she feels like a stranger.”
“You don’t owe her anything. I mean, sheisa stranger.”
“Even if she’d raised me, I’d feel the same way.” A lump formed in my throat. It took me a moment to get the next words out. “I finally found a home, a community that welcomes me, and now the harbingers want to take it away. I can’t stop thinking that I don’t deserve to be here, that this is my punishment for doing the wrong thing or…” I couldn’t speak anymore. I sniffed, looking out the window while blinking back tears. “I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I hadn’t been born like this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he said. “Margo, look at me.”
I did, and I saw everything I was terrified of losing. The acceptance, the affection, the comfort and the companionship. I saw it slipping through my fingers. That was worse than any physical pain my power or the harbingers could cause me.
“No matter what happens, never regret who you are,” he said earnestly. “Whether we’re werewolves, harbingers, witches, or humans, the important parts of us are formed by the actions we take, not the way we’re born. That’s how it should be, always. Otherwise, we’re going to only ever judge ourselves by what somebody else does.”
“I can’t blame the pack for being afraid of me now that I’ve met other harbingers.”
He frowned. “Do you look at me and see Dom?”
“Of course not. You’re nothing like him.”
“Then why are you acting like the way you were born puts you in some kind of box? Maybe you’re the best of the harbingers, and that’s why they want you. Maybe you make us stronger, and that’s why they want you. None of this is happening because you’re bad. None of it is because you did something wrong. I care about you. You. I don’t care who your biological family is or what they think of us. They can’t take how I feel about you away. They can’t take the pack or your parents or your friends or the drama club away. Only you can do that, Margo. So I’m asking you to let us be there for you. Let me be there for you. Please.”
“I’m so afraid you’ll get hurt.”
“They want you to be afraid. They want you to feel isolated. So don’t let them win. Let’s keep each other safe. Let’s protect each other. We’ve made a good team so far, so let’s keep working together to keep danger at bay.”
I blinked fast. A team. I’d even said it myself to Mam. I warned of danger. Dorian protected us from it. I had the greatest advantage. I could sense danger before it happened. If danger came, I would be the warning. As long as I trusted myself, there was no need to worry. I would see danger coming, and I could do something about it.
I had a choice. I could be scared and lonely like Vira, or I could use the advantages we had. Dorian was waiting for my answer, his gaze full of trust and safety and everything I needed.
“You’re right,” I said at last. “I’m not going to let them turn me into Vira. I’m not going to let them scare me.” I was finally starting to believe it.
CHAPTER10
Dorian
Time was slippingout of our hands, but we still hadn’t tracked down the harbingers. Byron had reached out to his son for help. Jeremy sent a tracker to keep an eye on the compound, and as far as he knew, all was quiet on that front. If there was no movement from the compound, then there likely wouldn’t be an all-out attack.
Yet.
