Page 83 of Shapeshifter


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“I’ll be able to warn you if death approaches,” Vira said.

“But it is a death,” Heddy said. “A death of the old, birth of the new. She might seem dead. There was a girl, once, who breathed the day after, but she had been left out in the cold, and couldn’t survive that. There’s a thin line, and I haven’t seen success, so I won’t know when it’s crossed.”

“Will you stay?” Mam asked. “If you know when it’s going wrong, then that would help, too.”

“I’ll stay,” Heddy said, but she looked frightened. “I hope to see success once before I die.”

“Did it hurt?” I asked in a small voice. “Were they scared?”

“Yes,” Heddy said, and I had to respect her honesty. “They were very scared, but that was because it wasn’t their choice. They were chosen by Vin because he believed in their bloodlines. Most were young girls who didn’t know of werewolves, didn’t know what was happening to them. The panic was more dangerous than anything. You must stay calm and not fight the pain. Let it win, to put less stress on your body.”

I didn’t have any idea how to do that.

The discussions continued, but I had stopped listening. It was finally sinking in.

Dorian leaned against me after a while, getting close to my ear. “You can change your mind if you want. Don’t worry about that.”

“I can’t,” I whispered back. “I’m too scared not to try this. Any sign of Eli around?”

“No,” he said. “Everybody’s watching out for him in town. If he shows up, we’ll find out.”

But that had never been the case. The harbinger was sneaky. That only made me more sure of what I was about to do. He couldn’t win. No matter what.

It was time.My parents kept clinging to me, crying, trying not to show it, saying goodbye without actually saying the word. We were all pretending things were going to go well, but I might be on my last day.

Then why did I feel so hopeful?

“I don’t want this for you,” Mam whispered against my ear. “Not any of it.”

“I love you. You’ve been the best possible mother for me.”

I let go of her and turned to face my father. “Thanks for being my dad. You made everything easier, always.”

He couldn’t speak, just held on to me. I imagined their love folding around me, protecting me, and I felt a little stronger. If love was a kind of magic, I would never be in any danger.

“You should leave now,” Byron said gently.

“No,” Mam said, wiping her eyes. “We need to be here with her.”

“We’ll keep you updated,” he persisted. “But it won’t be safe for you here if she shifts.”

“We’re her family,” she said. “She would never hurt us.”

“Uh.” Amelia sheepishly raised her hand. “I tried to eat Perdita when I first shifted. It gets a little confusing.”

Mam looked horrified. Dad kissed my forehead. “Be safe,” he said. “Do what you always do. Show your strength and keep fighting. This time, fight for yourself. Please.” Those plaintive final words left a lump in my throat.

Byron guided my parents out of the room. As the door closed behind the people I loved best, a little part of my heart left with them. That might be the last time I saw them. I should have savoured it more.

Vira moved to my side. “I have no right to say this, but I wanted you to know that I gave you up because I cared for your wellbeing, just as I cared for your father. I couldn’t bear the thought of you living like me. I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be here doing this right now.”

“I’m happy with how my life turned out,” I said. “I love my parents. I love being here. Thank you for saying that, but I’m okay. Honestly. You made the right choice.”

She held my gaze for a moment before nodding. “I’m glad.” Then she went back to the window to continue staring outside in silence.

I perched on a chair, the terror truly setting in, a hands-shaking, knees-rattling, teeth-chattering type of fear that wound its way around my throat and constricted my breathing.

Amelia knelt before me. “We can stop at any time. Okay?”

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