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I nodded, but I knew I wouldn’t. There was a darkening shadow over my shoulder. I didn’t have time to stop. They couldn’t feel it like I did, could never understand that death’s cold fingers were already caressing my skin. Only Vira knew how close I was to the end, and she could barely look my way.
Amelia moved around the room, methodically setting everything up. She’d gone through the process with me, but I wasn’t sure I had taken any of it in.
Dorian helped me to my feet. “I need a minute with her.”
“Don’t linger,” Amelia warned. “We’re almost ready.”
We went into the hallway together and stared at each other in silence. Dorian’s soft eyes were red-rimmed and scared. He brushed his thumb across my cheek, leaving a wave of heat behind.
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
He held me for a moment before kissing me deeply, desperately, his fingertips touching my face as though committing the shape of my features to memory. I wished I’d had more time alone with him, wished I’d burned every kiss, every second, into my brain. I wished I could relive those moments and say all of the things I wanted to say.
“Dorian,” I whispered against his lips. “I—”
“This is not goodbye,” he said vehemently, his forehead pressed against mine. “When we’re through this, I’ll be here, waiting to help you, no matter what, okay? Even if things change between us, you can depend on me.”
“We’ve been through a lot,” I managed to say past a lump in my throat. “But I’m so glad I met you.”
“This isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to make this choice. But I swear, someday, we’re going to run together, and this will be a shitty memory we barely think about. Some day, life will be easy.”
“It’ll be so boring,” I joked.
He kissed me one last time, a tender promise that tasted of hope. Of a beginning rather than an end.
Amelia opened the door to call us back in. “It’s time.”
Closing my eyes, I took a deep, calming breath. But it was Dorian’s hand in mine that helped me put one foot in front of the other and face the consequences of my choice.
Vira, Dr Rivers, Byron, Nathan, Amelia, Heddy, and Evelyn all gathered in the room with Dorian and me. The rest of the pack was either watching over Perdita and baby Diane or patrolling the local area. I wondered where my parents were waiting.
Amelia had placed a blanket and pillows on the floor for me to lay on. I obeyed her directions, shaking every step of the way. I looked at Dorian, at how pale his face had grown, and I pitied him.
“Do you want to leave?” I asked him.
“No way.”
“Can you stay… no matter what happens then?”
He knelt by my side and reached for my hand. “I won’t leave you.”
Amelia shot Vira a questioning look.
“Nothing has changed yet,” the harbinger said, but her fingers had knotted together.
“We didn’t talk about who starts this,” Amelia said hesitantly. “It can’t be me.”
“I can do it.” Nathan glanced at Dorian. “That’s why I’m here.”
“No,” Byron said. “I’ll take responsibility for it all.”
I wanted Dorian, but I couldn’t ask him. As though he heard my thoughts, he met my gaze and shook his head. “I’ll do it. I’ll… bite her. It should be me.”
“If it goes wrong,” Nathan began.
“It won’t.” Dorian set his chin, a new, stubborn look in his eyes. “I won’t let it.”
“Thanks,” I whispered. I didn’t want anyone else to do it. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. Only Dorian made it seem possible because I trusted him the most.
