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When she reaches her car, her hands dive in her purse and shove stuff left to right as she searches for her keys. She pulls out the fob and unlocks her car as I jog up to her.
“Baby, please don’t leave. Let’s go back up to my room and talk about this.” We need to talk, that is the only way to resolve this.
“No, Gavin. As much as I want this, as much as I want us to be together, it feels like the world is against us. And I can’t do it. I can’t fight anymore. I fought for so many years. Cried a million tears until my eyes couldn’t do it anymore. And it’s happening all over again. My heart fell in love with you all over again and I let it. Stupid, stupid girl. As soon as I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I got crushed. I feel like the earth is swallowing me whole, like it’s clawing at my insides and eating me alive. And I can’t deal with it. Can’t deal with you. Not now.”
Her words paralyze me. Make my limbs numb and my heart hollow. Pain spills out of her and infiltrates me like liquid poison. Slithers in my veins and takes up residence. And it doesn’t just hurt. It kills.
The first time we were separated, it was against what I wanted. Against what either of us wanted. But I had no say or power to stop my parents from moving us across the country for my mom’s promotion. Although I was older, I was still just a child.
Now, I may no longer be a child, but I inflict her with the same heartache and torture. Except this time around, our emotional state has evolved. We understand love and hope and pain and anguish. We grasp fear and hopelessness and sorrow and dejection. And in the blink of an hour, I have given all of them to her.
I have never hated myself as much as I do right now.
I step into her, a tear slipping down my cheek as she steps back and bumps into her car. But I ignore her retreat and reach up, framing her face in my hands. This will not be the last time I see her; I won’t let it be. This is not how our story ends.
“I fucked up, and I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. But I will fix this. I swear to you, I will fix this. And when I do, I’m coming back for you. You can count on it. Because, Cora” —I pause, pinching my eyes shut— “you and I belong together. No matter what obstacles come at us, we belong together. I love you. And I will always love you. Until my last breath. Until my dying day.”
I lean down, press my lips to hers and kiss her softly. Our tears blend at our joined lips and I don’t know which are hers and which are mine. When I break the kiss, I lick our tears from my lips and step away. She stares at me a second as hundreds of thoughts invade her mind. Then she rushes to get in her car, starts the engine and drives away.
Away from me. Away from us.
I will give her time, but I won’t go down without a fight. Not this time. Never again.
