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I safely left the property without seeing him and sighed wearily as I got into my car to head home. It was a small apartment in a good area. I didn’t need much, as I had left most of the furniture for Wade to deal with. I sometimes wondered how I went from living in a four-bedroom, three-bath house with a beautiful view of the lake behind us to a small one-bedroom with a view of the busy highway.
I didn’t mind, though. I was free. I was no longer wondering where Wade was or with whom he was spending his time. I was also no longer worried about what I would find out next or what mood he would be in when he stepped through the door. I was enjoying my freedom and the silence of my tiny apartment.
I was also tired after my busy first day, but I needed to get my workout in and eat dinner. I was lucky that this apartment complex had a decent gym and a pool and was close enough to a grocery store that I could walk over.
As I got on the treadmill to warm up, I couldn’t help but wonder if Smoke worked out. He seemed in decent shape, but was he blessed with good genes, or did he spend hours at the gym each week?
Not that it mattered, I reminded myself. What Smoke did was of no concern to me. I scolded myself to remember that as I tripped on the treadmill and grabbed the side rails. I slowed the treadmill down and then got back on. The last thing I needed was to show up for my second day with an injury.
Later that night, as I lay in bed and thought about my day, my mind kept returning to Smoke. I recalled the smile on his face when I stepped into the conference room at the start of the day and the withdrawn look on his features when I told him that I wasn’t interested.
But had I told him that I wasn’t interested? I don’t recall saying that. I believe I said it wouldn’t be a good idea since we worked together. That was very true. I could not afford to jeopardize my job just because I thought the boss was sexy — even though it had been a long time since I felt that way.
* * *
The following day,I took longer to get ready than usual. Typically, it did not take me long to shower, dress, and apply makeup, but today it did.
It probably wouldn’t have taken as much time if I hadn’t changed my blouse three times or had to reapply my eye makeup twice to match the new one I had chosen. I didn’t want to think I was trying to look nice for Smoke, but I knew I was in the back of my mind.
What kind of mixed signals would I give the man if one moment I am telling him it wouldn’t be a good idea, and the next I was dressing to impress him? Ugh. I stood in front of the mirror one last time and sighed. It didn’t matter what I wore as long as I looked like a professional. Did I look professional?
I guess my slacks did, and the blouse was more conservative than most that I owned, although a bit low cut. Wade had told me that my breasts were my best feature and always wanted me to show them off, although not too much. I nodded at my reflection. Wade would have approved.
I winced as I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door without having time to eat breakfast. I was trying not to think about Wade, but it was hard. I had been with him for a long time, and the need to have his approval or to make him happy was constantly on my mind. It had been that way for years, and it wasn’t something I could just turn off, even though I knew it didn’t matter anymore.
At work, Lydia called me into her office, and after a few minutes of small talk, she went over a few things she wanted me to do for her. Even though I didn’t know the software she was talking about, I was a fast learner and knew I could work my way through it.
Two hours later, I was frustrated as I couldn’t figure out the proper code for something, and without that, I couldn’t proceed. I was growling when someone cleared their throat and looked up to find Smoke leaning back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, studying me.
My eyes had a mind of their own as I drank him in from his toes to his forehead. “Did you need something?” I finally asked after I snapped out of my appraisal. I saw what he wanted shining from his eyes—he made his desires vividly clear. Unfortunately, it wasn’t what he needed and that had been my question.
After another few seconds, he spoke. “You look frustrated. Perhaps there is something I can do for you, Mrs. Rouse.”
“You can call me Lilly or Lillian. I prefer not to go by Mrs. Rouse.”
“Why?”
“That is a part of my life I would prefer to forget. As soon as my divorce is finalized, I will change it back to my maiden name.”
He stepped forward. “What will your last name be then?”
“Decker, Lillian Rose Decker.”
He nodded slowly. “Rose, huh?”
I didn’t reply as he stepped closer to me and glanced at my screen. “The code you want is five, nine, two, eight, d, as in David.”
I glanced at the computer and then back at him momentarily before I typed in 5928-D, and the form accepted it. “Thank God!” I growled. “And thank you. I have been trying to figure out what that code is for the last ten minutes.”
He chuckled as he stepped forward. “Yeah, everyone has trouble with that one. I forget what it is supposed to be myself sometimes.”
“How did you know that I was stuck on that one?”
He paused by my desk. “I already told you. Everyone has trouble with that one code.”
“Why don’t you change the code to be easier to remember?”
His brow lined slightly, and then he laughed. “I’m not sure anyone has ever suggested that. It would make sense, wouldn’t it? I’ll have to talk to the IT department about that.” He rapped his knuckles on my desk and then walked away and into Lydia’s office and closed the door.
I stared after him, almost giddy that I had made him happy. I was a pleaser and always had been. Since I was a child, it was ingrained that you made others happy before yourself. Making them happy would make you feel that way too.
For the most part, I thought that was right. However, a few times, I felt guilty for wanting more. When would someone do something to please me? Perhaps that was selfish to feel that way, but once in a while, I did. I was only human after all.
