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“Sophie,” I breathed my name and told him, “Sophie Miller.”
He offered me the kindest smile, and all the while he rubbed soothing circles along my back. I kept shaking; I couldn’t stop, even if inside I felt so warm with him holding me the way he was. “I’m Madox and these are my friends, Cody and Ryan.” My gaze shifted to the other guys, both of them watching me and instinctively, I moved closer to Madox.
Madox. The name itself sounded powerful and protective. I whispered it and then looked back up at him. It was a sin to look at him the way I was in that moment. I knew I shouldn’t, that I was going to hurt later but just before I could tear my gaze away, he smiled at me. One of those sweet smiles that’s genuine and steals all your worries from you.
“Sophie’s a beautiful name.” The way he said it, I felt beautiful. I felt like someone else. I felt like the night hadn’t happened the way it did. The moment was over quickly, with the sound of the other guys quieting down and the sight of them keeping their distance.
I didn’t question him at all when he told me, “Come on.” I was grateful when he wrapped the jacket he’d thrown down before around my shoulders.
The scent comes back to me at the thought; he smelled clean but woodsy as he held me close to his side. His hands were strong and warm, and he was taller and far more dominating than the other men, but there wasn’t an ounce of fear in me.
The other two guys talked to him, their words bouncing around in my head but not being heard as I tried everything in my power to just stop shaking.
I only knew I wasn’t okay and something bad must have happened, because I couldn’t stop shaking.
I was in so much shock that I didn’t even realize I was in the car with them until the doors were closed and we were moving. That’s when I freaked out, but Madox shushed me.
He asked me to trust him, and there were no questions after that, only demands. To come inside. To shower and change into his clothes. To this day, I swear someone else took over that night. No sane girl would have blindly listened to strangers like I did, especially when I remember how scared I was of Ryan and Cody. They didn’t look at me like Madox did. They didn’t know what to make of me, and I didn’t know what to make of them.
I came back to it hours later, remembering how Madox had said something at the bedroom door before closing it, leaving me to sleep, and before I passed out.
When I went to sneak out, that’s when I realized he’d locked the door from the inside and closed it. I remember how it felt so wrong to unlock it and dare to step out into the hallway. I registered how expensive everything looked only in that moment. I hadn’t noticed any of it before.
It was quiet, and the house felt lonely. I found out later that it was empty. Madox had locked my bedroom door and the doors to the house, and they’d all left together. They knew the men who’d tried to hurt me, and they hurt them back.
It’s why they didn’t run after the guys while I was there. They didn’t need to. They knew where they’d be.
It wasn’t worth it though. Madox didn’t just hurt the man, he beat him unconscious at a bar and was arrested.
The fucked up thing was that after I went home that early morning, in clothes that weren’t mine and didn’t fit, without my car and still scared, I told my mother I was sorry – they found out what had happened and I confessed even more of the sordid truth – I told them everything, and it was my stepfather who bailed Madox out of jail.
I felt like I owed him – I owed both of them – more than I could ever repay.
I was a girl who was no one. A girl who knew nothing. A girl who wanted to stand up for something, but fell to the lowest low when on her own. I caused nothing but problems, and I hated myself for it. If I could take it all back, I would’ve. I wouldn’t have shut my mouth and dealt with the pain from hearing my stepfather yell cunt as he punched the window the same way I’d always dealt with them yelling... bottling it up, deep down inside. If I could go back, I’d do that still. Because all the events landed Madox in jail and I went right back to where I was told to go from the beginning.
I tried to forget what happened, but I couldn’t. I needed to see them. I needed to thank them and tell them I was sorry too. That’s all I was at that point in my life. Sorry.
I saw Madox again a week later, complete with his group of friends, when I finally had the balls to apologize but also thank them. I went back to the large house he’d taken me to, which was practically a mansion, and I waited on the porch for him.
That day changed everything. I wouldn’t be the person I am without them.
I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened if they hadn’t been walking down the street at that moment. Just the thought of that shed gave me the worst nightmares for months, nightmares where Madox and his friends weren’t there.
The nightmares went away though the day after I told Madox about them. It took me months to tell him about them, but when I did, he told me he’d change that. He fucked me against that same shed and told me that was the only memory of the shed that mattered. I stared at the fence where the men had come through and Madox whispered in my ear all the sweet nothings a girl dreams of. Their steps disappeared from my memory and all I could hear was Madox. The hand I felt vanished in place of the pleasure Madox gave me. He kissed every inch of me, made me stare at anything that reminded me of the bad, and in its place, gave me a good I didn’t know existed.
It wasn’t my first time with him, but it was one of our firsts. It was the first time he took me somewhere other than his bed, and the first time he showed me what depths he would go to in order to erase any pain I had.
He was right too. Nothing else mattered. That was the first time I wanted to tell him I loved him. But I kept quiet. I saved my words like he did, and pretended I was okay with that.
It was wrong that we were together. I knew that. He was older and I wasn’t old enough. He was wealthy and had already established himself in a career he was born to dominate. I was nothing and he was everything. I didn’t understand why he would want me, but a small part of me hoped it wouldn’t change. That was my first problem – not wanting things to change when they were so unbalanced, I would never be able to keep up.
Lyingin Madox’s arms while staring up at the ceiling fan, every bit of that anxiousness, that regret… that small bit of hope, comes to the surface all over again.
“Should I pretend to be asleep so you can sneak out? Or will you let me buy you coffee?” Madox’s voice is calm and even, although his sleepiness is evident in his tone.
Has it really been seven years since all that? Has life really changed so much since then?
“As if you could sleep through me wrestling my jeans over my ass,” I mock him as I shift under the comforter, listening to it rustle and pretending like memory lane didn’t just tear me down to the girl I used to be. Laying a cheek against his chest, I peek up at him as he chuckles.
