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We didn’t have sex though. I know he wouldn't do that. And I don’t feel like I did.
I cover my face with my hands, remembering how he was going down on me. And then I passed the fuck out. Oh my fucking God.
I was trying to tell him. It was so hard to keep my eyes open.
But it felt so good.
I groan into my hands and then crouch on the floor, leaning my back against the wall and huddling into a pathetic ball.
I cannot believe I did that. I’m so embarrassed.
I look back at my dresser and find my neatly folded jeans.
If it’d been someone else... I shake my head. I never would’ve done that with someone else. Never.
It was all because it was Derek. And he’s different.
In school, they all said he was bad. One teacher specifically told me to stay away. Mrs. Hepburn. She was a bitch who needed to mind her own business. I feel the anger rise up all over again. They had no right to judge.
He wasn’t abadguy, not really. I knew he wasn’t back then. He may have done some bad things, but he had a goodness about him, hidden under the hard facade. Now he’s grown up, and the mask he wears is good at covering it, scaring people off, but that goodness still there.
I hear faint sounds of dishes and chatter coming from downstairs, and that’s when I realize he may still be here.
I shoot up and bound through the room, digging through my worn-out black duffel bag to find my pajama pants and quickly pull them on. I practically run down the stairs, but when I look up and see his jacket is missing from the coat rack, my heart drops and my steps slow. My bare feet pad on the wooden floor, and my stomach growls as I walk towards the kitchen.
I wish he was still here so we could talk about what happened last night. We need to talk about it.
At least I do.
But maybe he doesn’t. Maybe last night didn’t mean much to him at all. I cross my arms and try not to think like that.
As I start making my way to the kitchen, I hear Sandra giggling, followed by Tony’s voice.
She’s frying eggs on the stove, while Tony stands next to her scratching his ass. “You're so gross!” Sandra says, laughing. Tony slaps her ass, resulting in even more giggling. At least Sandra seems happy. She deserves to be. I’ve never seen her like this, bubbly and at ease with a guy.
“Good morning,” I say hoping it’s not awkward that I’m interrupting them and opening the cabinet to pull out a box of Corn Pops. It's my favorite cereal. Sandra always stocks up on it when I come to visit.
“Good morning,” Sandra says as Tony kisses her neck and thankfully backs away to take a seat at the small table.
“Morning,” he says, stretching his back with his arms over his head. You’d think he lived here, too. Shit, maybe he does. Maybe this last week she’s kept him away to give me space.
I close the cabinet and try not to think about it as I chew on the inside of my cheek.
“Is Derek here?” Sandra asks me with a ridiculous Cheshire grin on her face. She's way too excited this morning.
“No, he left last night,” I tell her, ignoring the urge to try to pick apart everything that happened and over analyze why I’m here alone this morning. It’s simple. He didn’t want to stay, so he didn’t. That’s all it means. Or at least that’s what I tell myself over and over again as I put the milk away and sit down at the table.
Tony sits down across from me with the fried eggs and toast Sandra just made him.
“Oh, so he didn’t stay with you?” she asks turning to face me with a look of confusion.
I shake my head no, shoving the spoon in my mouth and eating a bite of cereal. “Why are you asking?” I ask stirring the pops with my spoon.
She shrugs before turning back to her omelet on the stove.
I shake my head and take another mouthful of my cereal. The room is mostly quiet except for the clinking of the spoon against the ceramic bowl, the sounds of the eggs cooking on the stove, and the gentle scraping of the spatula. Tony’s on his phone, and I keep staring at him.
He knows Derek.…I shove another spoonful into my mouth to keep from prying, but I can't help myself once he's off the phone.
