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“Don’t,” I tell her, gritting my teeth and forcing the word out. She looks me in the eyes and moves under my arm. My body’s frozen in place. I can’t keep her here. I can’t hold her against her will.
“Don’t leave, Hally,” I tell her with as much strength as I can manage.
“I need time to think about it all. I just can’t-” she starts to say and then Hally pushes past me. As I try to grab her hand, she rips herself away from me.
She doesn’t finish her thought; she doesn’t say goodbye. She just leaves me alone and it’s the worst feeling in the world.
It’s the feeling that I shouldn’t go after her.
The feeling that I never deserved her.
The feeling that she’s not going to come back.
“She will,” I mutter beneath my breath. She’s just scared. But she’ll come back. Or I’ll go get her. One way or the other, I’m not letting her get away from me again.
CHAPTER20
Harlow
“Once more!” Stevens yells out and I look back at him, my eyes stinging from a night of letting it all out. Today’s the last day of shooting and thank God I only need to walk and look into a window while another actor, a side character, counts the cash.
It’s a simple task, but Stevens keeps recording. Repeatedly. Unceasingly. He’s been a pain in my ass this last week. Maybe that’s one more thing that’s been picking at me. It’s like he can see it too. Maybe it’s written on my face. Maybe they can all hear what I’m screaming inside my head.
I knew I had to end it before we even got back to his dressing room. Article after article couldn’t have convinced me. It hurt to read them, each one chipping away at my armor little by little. But that’s not what did me in.
He could never say it back to me. I love you.
Not then, and not now.
It’s because he doesn’t really love me. I’m foolish to think he does. You don’t throw someone away if you truly care about them. Not when they’re hurting and so thoroughly destroyed.
I didn’t know what a fucking mess I was until I saw that look in my eyes in that picture. It’s brutal to have the truth plastered in front of your face. The fear and stupidity, really.
He makes me weak.
And I’m done with being anything less than the strong woman I’ve set out to be.
I wait for my cue, rocking on my heels as the click of the safe closing is followed by, “Action!”
Three, two, and one. I start walking. Three steps past the darkened window and I take a glance inside, just a small one, as if I was only a passing bystander. My heels click with my easy strides and the red scarf over my head tickles at my ears as I move, but I don’t touch it. I refuse to let my face move either. Even as I leave the window and wait quietly on the edge of the set, watching as the cameras continue to roll.
Stevens has four of them going now. How many angles does he need?
I grit my teeth, hating how irritable I am. I’d rather be angry. Anger is so much easier to hide.
“You alright?” a small voice from my right asks and I snap out of it, looking at an extra I recognize.
“Yeah,” I reply and shake my head and give her a smile. Her name’s Rachel, or her character’s name is. Shit, I forget.
“It’s a wrap!” she says with a smile and humor although her face is still scrunched, and the humor doesn’t reach her eyes. She keeps walking ahead of me and that’s when I notice the set is clearing out.
An uneasy breath leaves me as I reach down and take off the heels one at a time. My bare feet hit the cement floor as the backdrop is lowered by the stage crew.
I force a smile on my face and keep in mind that today is over. This entire ordeal is over.
We have a one-week break before we hear back about any alterations or retakes. A full week of being away from Nathan. And if I want, Nancy’s assured me that I never have to see him again.
I try to ignore the pain from that thought as I walk through an empty hall back to my room. It’s what I wanted, what I demanded, but that only makes my heart clench harder.
