AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Emma gave her an odd look. “I do not think that is true, Olivia. His eyes seek you out wherever you are. He is always touching you. He looks besotted with you.”
“That is not love,” said Olivia, blushing fiercely. “That is desire. A different thing entirely. He has never told me he loves me.”
Emma frowned. “I would not be so certain of that. He might not have the courage to say the words. It is hard for some men. They do not wear their heart on their sleeves like a lot of women. The way he behaves towards you speaks louder than words, in my opinion.”
Olivia shook her head, her heart aching. If only she could believe what her friend claimed. She yearned to believe it. But she knew the truth. Alexander was in physical thrall to her, but he did not love her. He had not been intending to propose to her that day when they had been discovered in each other’s arms.
She gazed over at her husband. He was standing near a table, talking with Emma’s new husband. His face was animated and his blue eyes sparkling. Her heart lurched. How handsome he was—the handsomest man in the room by far. And the most dynamic. He was not like the other gentlemen here. He was not to the manor born. He was a self-made man, a sea captain, an adventurer by nature.
As much as it shamed her now, she had once looked down upon him. He was a common man. But she saw now that she would not want him any other way. He was a thousand times more interesting than a regular aristocrat. He had lived a life she could only dream about. It had made him who he was, and she would not change a thing.
But she knew that the life of an idle aristocrat bored him to tears. He often looked restless and distracted. He had told her just this morning that he was itching to get behind the wheel of a ship again. One day he might just decide to go back to the life he had. And what would happen to her then? Would he ever come back to her, or would he find another woman or several to entertain him? Desire faded. It was a rocky foundation upon which to build a marriage, if there was no love there to sustain it as well.
Suddenly, he looked around, seeing her staring at him. His face changed. That spark of desire entered his blue eyes. Her body immediately responded. She felt her nipples harden and a shiver run down her spine. It was as if every sense was on high alert and there was no one else in the room.
“Come along,” said Emma’s mother, interrupting them. “The carriage is waiting, Emma!”
The next moment, Emma was swept away. The wedding guests trailed after the newly married couple, throwing grains of rice into the air as they stepped into the open landau. Olivia bit her lip, trying not to cry. Emma and Harold were spending their wedding night in London before continuing onto Somerset tomorrow. Her best friend was leaving.
Emma was laughing with joy. She threw her bouquet into the crowd. One of her younger sisters caught it, blushing furiously. And then, they were away.
Olivia kept watching until the landau was a tiny black speck in the distance. Everyone else trailed back into the house. She felt bereft. Alone and deserted.
Emma’s husband loves her. Her future is paved with happiness. But my husband does not love me.
She felt arms encircling her waist from behind. She shivered, slowly turning around, so she was staring up at him. Alexander gazed down at her, his face etched in curiosity.
“Why are you so sad?” he asked, in a quiet voice. “I thought you would be happy to see your friend’s wedded bliss.”
Olivia’s heart twisted. How could she explain it to him? How could she explain that shewashappy for Emma, but that Emma’s bliss reminded her that her own husband did not love her in the same way as her friend’s new husband did, and that made her unbearably sad?
She could not explain it. It would only confuse him or make him defensive. It would change what they had between them. It might destroy it all together. And then how could she live with the distance between them?
I should be grateful for what we have,she thought, taking a deep breath. I should not yearn for more. It will only make my life harder.
“I am not sad,” she said, swallowing her feelings, trying to smile. “I am only regretful that Emma is not living close by. I shall miss her. Now, shall we go back inside? It is getting cold.”
