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He wanted to apologize but did notknow if the right words would ever present themselves to him. And that’s how he knew that an apology would most likely not suffice. He needed to give her more to win back her trust. He needed to tell her the truth.
“Can I explain?” Aaron asked.
“What is the point. How are you going to explain what I just saw? My eyes do not lie. They may take in lies. They may believe words from men and silly writers. But my eyes do not lie about what they see.”
“They are not silly writers. Please do not confuse me with your books. Your books deserve better than that.”
“Enough about my books. You said you wanted to explain yourself, so I am giving you that option right now, but right now only.”
Aaron let out a sigh, upset with himself more than anything. “I should not have allowed you to believe me to be perfect, but when you became so enthralled in me, my pride would not let me do otherwise.”
Matilda did not say anything. Instead, she wore a disappointed scowl.
Aaron continued. “When it comes to Addison, I cannot lie. She had once been what I thought I wanted. I did not ever think that…someone like you existed. I didn’t believe the books. And so, in a rebellious way, I fell for someone who was the opposite, someone who seemed to represent life in all its cruel ways. But I became tangled. I became lost in not knowing what I wanted or, more importantly,who I needed. This was all before I met you. And she still believes that she has her grasp on me.”
“Well…does she?”
Aaron did not respond, and he knew instantly that it would have severe repercussions.
“That says enough, doesn’t it?” Matilda said.
Aaron shook his head. “She gave me one year away from her. I had tried to run away. But she threatened to ensure that my family could never work again if I did not return. I cannot let my family down like that. It is why things are so complicated. It’s the reason why I cannot just cut ties with her completely.”
“You are someone who lives under the notion that freedom is everything. You are someone who taught me that the journey is most important, not the destination, yet you let her control and threaten you. It does not make sense to me. It goes against your entire identity in my eyes. I don’t know what to make of all this. I don’t know what to trust anymore. I am losing hope in everything. And hope was all I had.”
Seeing her face grow wounded hurt Aaron’s heart. The guilt had an excruciating pain to it, and in his mind, there was not an easy remedy to it. How could he fix someone who was not only broken but someone who was broken by his hands?
“Matilda, our time together has meant everything to me. And seeing her again, seeing Addison, has made it clear in my heart just how wrong a life with her would be. I need to take some sort of stand. I don’t want to lose you, but I also…don’t know how to keep you. I am bad at this.”
Matilda pursed her lips and gave Aaron a measured look.
His face felt like it was honest enough. But he could tell that part of her still did not know. And that was understandable. How could she know anything after all that had happened?
“I do not know what to believe anymore,” Matilda said. “It has come to my attention that nothing is what it seems.”
Aaron could see the scepticism on her face, that little hint of broken dreams that he knew had been his fault. Did he regret ever meeting her? In a way. Because he would have spared her heartache and saved her from more distress. Perhaps, if she had never met Aaron, she would not have known what she was missing out on, therefore falling for Charles. But there was no time for regret. In that present moment, the circumstances were what they were.
“All I ask of you is that you trust my words. My words are my bond. I have never once lied to you, Matilda. I have always been forthright. I may have created distance between us because I deemed it necessary, but—”
“Why would you deem it necessary when I was the one that told you I did not want distance. Whether it was through words or actions, I too, have been forthright. But you insisted on thinking that you knew what was best for me…distance…” She laughed an offended laugh. “Where did you get distance from after all our time together? After—”
“Matilda, I didn’t want to hurt you. And that’s why I figured that if I kept my distance, you would not get hurt. At least not by me.”
Her lips were tight, her eyebrows burrowed low. “Well, that did not work. It had the opposite effect.”
Aaron let out a sigh, searching his mind for something, anything to make it right. Honesty could only go so far because he had been foolish even in his honesty.
Looking into her soft, angered eyes, he knew that he could not let her go. Whatever he was to say or do, it needed to fix things because Matilda was the very thing he tried to avoid thinking about—his future. She was someone that could make his life better in every way. And there would be no one else like her if she were to walk in the other direction. No tall hills, no adventures, could replace the feeling that she gave him just by looking at him.
“Matilda,” He took a few steps closer, and she did not move from her spot. “I am truly sorry for the things that I have done in our short time of knowing each other. I should have been able to tell you more about the parts of me that I try to ignore. It may work for me to ignore them, but when it comes to the people who care about me, that take a chance on me, I have to face them.”
Matilda’s face grew softer as he spoke, but Aaron would not get ahead of himself. She may still not believe a word he said.
“I can no longer fight it or try to tell myself that it is wrong. I want a future with you, despite all the odds, the terrible circumstances, and the factors that make our story go against everything we love to read about. The moments that we had together, they are beyond worth fighting for. And I’m willing to join you in that fight if you’re willing to join me.”
Matilda’s face remained unchanged, but her feet did not. They took a few steps closer until he could feel her nose graze his. And then they both kissed.
Matilda broke off for a split second to say, “I will fight with you, and we shall write our own ending.”
They continued their kiss after that, and Aaron could not help but finally think about his future. It did not have Addison in it.
“Matilda!” Ann called for her in the distance, and their kiss ended. But Aaron knew that there would be many more. He would make sure of it.
