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Thomas looked at Cohen.
“He’s got it really bad, hasn’t he?”
“I’m afraid he has.” Cohen gently swatted Richard around the head. “And he’s lost sight of what he needs to do.”
“Hey!” Richard rubbed his head. “Was that necessary?”
“Someone needs to knock some sense into you. And I think your brother is actually doing that.” Cohen grunted. “Which is surprising. I thought he lost sense years ago.”
Thomas frowned.
“I know you were our tutor, Cohen, but you don’t need to speak about me like that.”
“My apologies.”
Richard looked from one man to another.
“Where are you going with this, Thomas? Cohen might think you’re making sense, but I don’t get where you’re going with this.”
Thomas lowered his hands and sat back.
“I was in love a while ago. While you were in Europe.”
“What?”
“She was the daughter of an earl. They were visiting Devon while her mother recovered from an illness. We spent every day together, and we fell in love. Completely inappropriate, given our standings. And when her father found out who she was seeing, he was furious. Told me to never go near his daughter and took her back to their home in Berkshire. I was not to contact her again, not when he had high hopes for her.”
Richard frowned. He was getting really confused.
“Why are you telling me this? I don’t see the …”
“When I said I was looking for a marriage with a noble lady so I could further our family’s position, I was lying. I was going to Society to see her.” Thomas glanced away. He looked ashamed. “Even if it was across the room, I wanted to see her. Just to know she was all right. I could never approach her, which broke me, but I could make sure she was happy.”
Richard was stunned. Thomas had been lying himself? He hadn’t expected that.
“You never told her how you felt?”
“I never got the chance. And now she’s married to an earl and lives in the Lake District. I haven’t seen her in almost a year, and not hearing or seeing her is really painful.” Thomas rubbed his hands over his face. “My point is that I fell in love with someone above my station, and I never got a chance to tell her. Nor did I fight for her when I should have done so. And I regret it every single day.”
“And you never told anyone?” Cohen looked just as bewildered. “Even your father doesn’t know?”
“The only one who knows is my valet, Georges. But I can’t admit to Father that I’m pining for someone I can’t have. So I made up that I was looking for a marriage with a noble lady so I didn’t look like a fool.” Thomas looked at Richard. “I regretted not doing anything about my feelings for the woman I loved, and I can see you going the same way. It’s better just to have one miserable brother than two.”
Richard let these words sink in. He had not considered this at all. He swallowed.
“So, this is your atonement, is it? You making sure I don’t make the same mistake.”
“I know the pain of not admitting you love someone …”
“I’ve said that I love her.”
Thomas blinked. Cohen stared.
“When did you do that?”
“When we went looking for herbs and got caught in the rain. I ... I thought she was saying she loved me.” Richard pinched the bridge of his nose. “She did speak that she couldn’t stop thinking about me. I thought it would help her say she loved me in return, but it never happened.”
Thomas and Cohen exchanged glances.
