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I wasn't surprised by his curiosity. Father Marius's affairs were one of those subjects that was taboo in the Abbey, to the point where even the gossips were afraid to be caught whispering about it.
"It was a long time ago," I began. "The Lavignes are the original paladin line. They're born and quite literally bred for the hunt."
“Lavigne?” he echoed. “They’re related to Arrow?”
It occurred to me then that he wouldn’t have known Father Marius’s last name if I hadn’t told him. The patriarch was always called by his first name in Church tradition, and I hadn’t exactly gone out of my way to thoroughly indoctrinate Eddie, considering how against his training I had been in the first place.
"Not by blood, no," I said. "Arrow comes from another family in the clan. He left the Order for his own reasons when he was a teenager, but that's not my business to talk about. He took Father Marius's last name, though."
“I was wondering why he and Atticus don’t have the same last name.” I could tell he wanted to ask why, but he didn’t. "So… Father Marius was really one of them?"
"Oh, yes. He would have been the head of the Order if he had stayed, even though he and Mother Cerise are the same age. In case you haven't noticed, they're a bit patriarchal."
He snorted. "Is that why Atticus hates us so much? Because their leader joined the Church?"
"That's part of it, but there's no shortage of bad blood on all sides."
"So why did Father Marius leave?"
"That, I can't say," I admitted. When I glanced over to find him watching me, I smiled a little. "In the scheme of things, I don't know all that much more than you do, Eddie. I'm an outsider, too."
"Oh, yeah," he murmured, turning back toward the road. "Sometimes I forget."
I could tell he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. "You can ask," I told him, earning a look of surprise. "You want to know why I joined the Church, right? Truth be told, I'm surprised you haven't asked by now."
He hesitated. “Arrow told me what happened to your family. I just assumed that was why, and that if you hadn't said anything, it was for a reason."
His answer surprised me. His curiosity was boundless, and my secrecy had to be torture, especially considering how obsessed he was. Or at least, had been. It seemed that once the novelty wore off and the reality set in, he had been cured of that.
"That's how I found out about the Church," I admitted, letting myself access the memory of the night I kept locked away unless I needed the motivation on a particularly grueling hunt. "Father Marius saved Renata and me from the Graystone pack when they chose our family's farmhouse out in the middle of nowhere for their weekly hunt."
"Wolf packs do that?" he asked, horror straining his voice.
"Some of them," I answered. "Mostly the ones who live in the city. It's a tradition meant to keep the pack bonded, and help get out their natural drive to hunt in a way that won't risk exposure. The pack that slaughters innocents together sticks together, and all that."
He grimaced. "That's disgusting."
"The worst monsters aren't the ones who are out of control," I said, trying not to let my thoughts drift too far off. "They're the ones who walk around wearing a mask of civility in the light of day."
"I can see why you hate us," he said thoughtfully.
I sighed. "Look, Eddie, about what I said that night—"
“Don’t,” he interrupted, his knuckles stretched white on the wheel. “We don’t need to talk about it.”
“Yes, we do,” I insisted. When his only response was to clench his jaw, his eyes locked on the road, I continued, “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I said, and… I was wrong. And that’s not something I say often, so just listen.”
He glanced over at me warily. “You don’t think I’m a monster?”
“I do,” I said. “But I don’t think that’s all you are. You've made mistakes, but we’ve all got blood on our hands, and that doesn’t make you one of them. It took me a while, but I've come to realize that. And not all wolves are evil. Most are just people, and animals. Even most of the ones who hunt at least have the decency to take out monsters of the human variety. Rapists, child predators, people who escaped the mundane variety of justice. Not innocent families. There are shades of gray in everything and everyone, and if there's one difference between us and the Order, it's that we recognize that."
"I guess so," he said, pulling into the parking garage I usually used, since I didn't feel like coming back from a hunt only to find my baby stripped of her parts and hauled up on cement blocks. He didn't get out immediately, and I could tell he wanted to say something else.
"What is it?" I asked.
He worried at his bottom lip with his teeth, a nervous habit I hadn't seen in a while. "Nothing. Just… thanks. For saying that.”
I blew a puff of air through my nostrils. "Sure. Now, come on. Let's go kill shit."
