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“WHAT THE FUCK is that maddening noise?”
I grab the pillow, pulling it over my throbbing skull. The annoying, honking sound continues to blast my ears until I realize it’s the alarm on my cell phone. Reaching blindly, I search for it on the night-stand, sending it tumbling to the ground.
“Fuck!”
I rustle my weary body from the sweaty sheets, sitting up as carefully as possible. My stomach contents feel like they’re about to be ejected from me like a scene from the Exorcist. When I bend down to pick up the phone, my head twirls around like a baton being thrown around at a teenage girl’s gymnastic competition. Who’s bright idea was it to drink their weight in JackDaniels? Yours, asshole!
There’s a soft knock at the door. “Chase, honey. Are you awake? Don’t forget your appointment is today.”
I cringe at the sound of Mom’s cheery voice echoing through the thin walls of my parents’ home. That’s right. I’m twenty-six years old, jobless, and still living with my parents. My time is spent working on my stupid car with my dad by day, and drinking my military paycheck away by night. But there’s still hope. Today could be it. The day I’m going to get my shit together and become a functional member of society.
I stare at the cracked screen on my brand new i-Phone “Shit!” I say, recalling the conversation my parents had with me last week.
“Chase, you’ve been home for four months now. We love you son, but it’s time you get your act together.” Self-loathing swims through my veins as my Dad’s words echo in my brain.
“I’ll be down in a few minutes, Ma.”
The heavenly smell of coffee jars me from my dark thoughts, and I quickly attempt to get my ass in gear. I’ve been home from my second tour of duty for four months, and still feel like nothing in my life has changed. I signed up for the military the year after my seventeen-year-old brother Noah was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. My outlook on life was pretty bleak, and the guilt over his death ate away at me like a disease. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but my saving grace was knowing my girl was home waiting for me. I scoff at the thought. Erin and I were going to get married and start a family when I got home.
Then it all went to shit.
I signed up for my second tour after receiving her letter. The thought of coming back and spending my life without the only woman I ever loved was unbearable. It was like a knife to the chest when I read that fucking letter. It shattered me, and I’m still not sure where my life is going. I’m tired of this broken feeling and the loneliness that comes with it. Why do I continue to obsess over her? Why can’t I get my life on track, and erase her from my thoughts? Even the occasional quick fuck with random girls at the local bar, Maggie’s, can’t dull the pain. Hell, Becky Waterman, by far the hottest chick in the bar last night, had her hands all over my fucking dick, and I couldn’t even muster up an ounce of excitement. Of course, my cock had no problem when I got home and started thinking about the hot-as-fuck red-head I see at the coffee shop every day.
I promised my parents I’d get my shit together, and that’s what I’m going to do. I can’t let them down anymore. They buried one son, and I’m not sure they’d survive if they have to bury another one.
The smell of sizzling bacon has my stomach grumbling as I enter the kitchen. The bright yellow color on the cabinets and walls is a paradox to my current emotional state. Ma had the kitchen remodeled after they received a generous settlement from the family of the asshole who killed my brother. It’s too fucking cheery for my mood. My parents have been through a lot since my brother died, and it’s a miracle their marriage survived. Tragedy often tears a relationship apart, but through counseling and plenty of tears, their bond has become even stronger. They’ve always been supportive of one another, and their love has proven resilient. I dream of finding a love like that one day. Someone to support me through the good and the bad. I thought I had it.
What a big, fat joke.
Mom and dad are seated at the rustic farmhouse table as I rustle up a much-needed cup of liquid caffeine. I wish I could put this shit in my veins intravenously.
My dad grunts his hello, barely peeking up from his newspaper.
“Good morning, dear,” Ma gently pats my arm as I take my seat next to them.
I love them more than anything, and the guilt eats away at me, knowing I’m nothing but a big disappointment. The only reason I’m attempting to get my life in order is I know I’m hurting them.
“What time is your interview with Jason, sweetie?” Ma sets a hefty plate of bacon and eggs in front of me. My sour stomach suddenly interested in sustenance.
“It’s not an interview. It’s more like I looked up an old friend so I can beg him for a job.” I chug my glass of juice letting it mix with the acid in my stomach.
“Don’t stress. I’m sure it will go well. I have a good feeling about it.” My mom has always been the optimistic one. “Jason was always such a good boy and a loyal friend to you. I’m sure he’ll be willing to help you out.”
The silence grows awkward as I crunch on the greasy bacon. My parents continually walk on eggshells around me like I’m a ticking time bomb about to go off.
“How’s the car running since the tune-up?” Dad grumbles without his eyes ever leaving his paper.
“I didn’t take it out last night. I took an Uber.”
He glances up from his paper and removes his glasses. His disappointed look tells me what’s coming next. “Maybe you should slow down on the drinking a little, son.”
My wooden-chair scrapes harshly across the tile as I stand to put my plate in the sink. “Sorry.” I let out a harsh breath and face him. “Look, I’m gonna turn things around, I promise. I have to go. I don’t want to be late.” I pat my dad’s shoulder and give my mom a swift peck on the cheek, hastily making my escape out the back door.
I know they love me and they’re only worried. I need to show them what kind of man I can be. Hell, I need to prove it to myself. I crank the key over, letting the rumble of the engine sooth me. I don’t pull out of the driveway until she purrs like a kitten, then head downtown, hopefully toward my bright future.
