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“You want the truth, Luke? Fine! I’ve always wondered if she was yours. What was I supposed to do, ask my fiancée for a blood sample to see if our baby was his brother’s? You were gone, and then he was gone, and it was just Ashley and me.” A sharp pang rushes through my chest at the thought of her alone and raising a baby. “I didn’t know what to do. I did what I thought was best for my daughter.”
“Does Ben know?”
“Yes, and he took it even worse when I told him she was yours.”
“Fuck! What about Ashley, does she…?” Tears well up in her eyes, and her fists clench as if she’s trying to will them away.
“She does not, but I’m telling her today. Whether you’re a match or not, she deserves to know.” I nod, trying to remain angry but at this moment all I want to do is take away her pain. “I’m going to the hospital now to talk to her. I’ll speak to the doctor today and let him know you can come in to have your blood tested tomorrow, if that’s okay with you?”
“Do you want me to come with you?” A barrel of nerves flush over me at the thought of meeting my thirteen-year-old daughter for the first time.
“No, I need to face her first. She’s already dealing with too much. I know she’ll need time.”
“Tell me about her, please.”
All the hurt anger I’ve bottled up seems to disappear, as I try to imagine my sweet little girl. Does she look like her beautiful mother? Maybe she has a bit of my stubborn temperament. I wonder if she has Sarah’s eyes or my sense of humor? I’ve just discovered her, and the threat of illness taking her away is too much to bear. The resentment I’ve been harboring falls when I see the pain etched across Sarah’s fragile face. I imagine the hell she’s been going through, the guilt she’s been carrying.
I’m not sure if I can ever get past this with her.
I'm torn between loving her and hating her at the same time, but one thing I know for sure, there’s a sweet, innocent little girl, lying in a hospital bed, and I vow to do anything I can to help her.
I haven’t even met her, yet I know I already love her.
Sarah
After speaking with Dr. Collins, and explaining the situation, he was very sympathetic. He assured me this is not the first time he’s seen something like this and said Luke could come in first thing in the morning for a blood test. Luke and I exchanged cell phone numbers before he left the Bean this morning to find a hotel room. I shoot him a text, taking the chickenshit route, so I don’t have to interact with him.
Sarah: Dr. Collins said you could come in tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. if that’s good for you.
Bubbles appear almost immediately on my phone.
Luke: I’ll be there.
Short and cold, but what did I expect? Did I think he’d throw his arms around me and be thankful for his newfound family, and we’d all live happily ever after? I slide my phone back into my pocket and make my way to the pediatric ward.
“Morning, Mrs. Harris.” I’m greeted by Alice, Ashley’s favorite day nurse, as I walk past her station.
“How’s she feeling today?” I ask, hoping Ashley had a good night.
I usually call for an update before the sun rises, then head to the Bean to do some prep work before Harper comes in to open up. We talked last night about hiring some more help at the Bean until everything settles down. We already have Emily, a lovely older woman who works part-time for us, but we need more help because I’m starting to wear down.
“She’s feeling good today. All her numbers are good.” The Alice smiles brightly at me.
I laugh to myself when I enter the room and find Ashley with her cell phone glued to her ear, totally ignoring the annoyed nurse attempting to take her vitals. She smiles, and holds up a finger, letting me know she’ll be off in a minute.
Ashley is a typical, sweet, energetic thirteen-year-old girl, who loves spending time with her friends. Lately, they’ve been a little too boy crazy for my liking, but then I think back to when I was her age. Enough said.She loves doing homework, which is the total opposite of me when I was a teenager, and she spends most of her spare time reading or playing video games.
“I gotta go, my mom’s here.” She hangs up the phone and grins when I hold up the bag of freshly baked cinnamon buns.
“Hey, sweetheart, I have your favorite.” I pass her a chai tea latte and pull the treats from the bag, setting them on the rolling tray in front of her. “How are you feeling today?”
She sighs. “I feel fine. I wish I could get out of here.” She pouts before taking a sip of her latte. I want to reassure her everything is going to be okay. At least there’s hope that Luke will be a match.
After the grouchy nurse leaves, I stand, and walk over to close the door, giving us some privacy. “What’s wrong, Mom?” she asks with a curious look on her face.
I slide my chair closer to the bed, taking her hand in mine. “We need to talk about something, and it’s probably going to be a bit of a shock,” I mumble, inching closer to her.
“Mom, why are you so nervous? You’re starting to freak me out.”
