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“Someone I know is getting tested tomorrow to see if he’s a match.” Her face scrunches up in confusion. “Honey, I don’t know how to ease into this, so I’m just gonna say it.” I take a deep breath. “Ben is not your real dad.” I swallow hard, waiting for her reaction, but her face is unreadable as she sits silently. “You know how Dad has mentioned his brother a few times?”
She gives a slight nod. “Uncle Luke, right?”
I nod. “Well, before your dad and I married, Luke and I…” I can’t find the right words. How do you explain to your daughter, you’re a cheater? “I’m sorry, I didn’t know until your dad’s blood test came back. Ben will always be your dad, but he’s not your biological father. I’m so, so sorry.” Her eyes grow glossy, and the expression on her face is all screwed up with confusion and shock. I reach for her arm, and she gently pulls away, crushing me.
“I know you’re probably angry and confused, and I will answer any questions you have, but I needed to tell you the truth.” She remains still for the longest time, not saying a word. “Sweetheart, talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I’m a little shocked right now, and I’m not quite sure how I’m feeling, to be honest.” She gives me a half shrug. “So Luke, my real dad, is going to see if he’s a match? He doesn’t even know me.”
“Honey, he flew here from California as soon as I told him.”
“So he’s here now?” she asks, surprised.
“Yes, I saw him this morning. He’s coming here tomorrow to be tested.”
“Huh.” She lets out a harsh breath, lifting her head to focus on me. “How is Dad taking it? He called and said he would be here later to visit, but he never said anything.”
“He didn’t take it well. I’m sure he’s hurting. Ben will never stop loving you or being your dad.”
Ben was a terrible husband, but he always tried to be a good father. It was difficult with him being away from home so much, but I know in Ashley’s eyes, Ben will always be her dad. Ashley sniffles, trying to fight back tears. I sit on the edge of her bed, engulfing her into my arms. I feel like the worst mom in the world. The guilt is excruciating, knowing I’ve caused her this pain. With everything this sweet little girl is going through, this is the last thing she needs. I can’t stop the tears running down my cheeks.
“It’s okay, Mom. Everything’s going to be okay.” I have to laugh to myself because I’m the one who should be consoling her, yet she’s the one who always tries to make me feel better. “Can I meet him?” she questions.
“Of course you can, he’s looking forward to it.”
“Mom, I think I'd like to be alone for a while. I'm sorry, but it's a lot to think about.”
My heart sinks in my chest, and I wish she would scream at me or hit me. I know she needs time to process everything, so I'll give her space.
“I'll come back later to check on you.” I pull her into a hug and kiss her on the top of her head.
I lean against the wall outside her room, my eyes flooded with tears, knowing I've hurt the most important person in my life. I just hope I haven't permanently destroyed what we have. My phone dings and I pull it out to read the text through my tears.
Luke: Have dinner with me?
My heart beats a little faster, and I hesitate with my reply.
Sarah: I can’t. I usually stay at the hospital until 8:00.
His response is quick.
Luke: I’ll bring food to your place at 9:00.
Luke
I'm not sure why I texted Sarah and asked her to have dinner with me. After sitting in this crappy hotel room all damn day, feeling sorry for myself, I want to hate her.
But I don’t.
I end up cursing myself, regretting every decision I’ve ever made. There’s still so much more I need to know, more we need to discuss, so why not over dinner?
Honestly, the thought had crossed my mind that Ashley could be mine. Hell, I’ve even fantasized about it. Dreamt that one day Sarah and I would find our way back to each other, and finally have a life together.
The day I left, leaving her behind, was the day I stopped living.
Yes, there have been women in my bed, but I don’t do typical dating or hearts and flowers romance. I use a high-class escort service when I need a quick fuck.God, I’m so fucked up. I get what I need, and it’s convenient, discreet sex with no strings. I always make sure the women are satisfied before I kick them out; I’m not a monster. I mean, if a woman is willing to spend hours looking good for me, come to my house to pleasure me, the least I can do is make sure they leave happy. But it’s always Sarah’s face I imagine when I close my eyes, and Sarah’s name on my lips when I come. Sometimes I get odd looks afterward, but I pay the women well, and they tend to not ask questions.
I’ve never even had one serious relationship in my life, I don’t do romance or need useless conversation. It’s quite funny that I’m a heart surgeon, yet I don’t possess a heart myself.So why am I here?
