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“You know, sometimes the black swan appears as a spirit animal. When you feel like you have no power over your circumstances, the energy of the black swan helps you reclaim your power. I’m really happy one appeared in your dreams.”
Well, if that’s its meaning, so am I.
I could do with a boost in personal power.
“Do animals come to you often in your dreams?” she asks.
“No. Usually I encounter animals by sitting on them.”
Claudette raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yep. I once sat on a hedgehog. I was horrified and surprised, given they’re mostly nocturnal. I could go on… the list is rather long.”
A smile paints across her lips. “What a prickly experience.”
“You can say that again!”
“In the animal totem world hedgehogs are interesting. They encourage you to listen to your inner wisdom and guidance. Obviously that’s good advice at any time, but if this little guy made itself known this much, you must have really needed to hear its message.”
“Its message?” I repeat. Of course, I have heard of animal totems but never given it much thought.
“Yes, animals are drawn to you in a big way, Ash. They’re trying to help you. Actually, it sounds like they’re even willing to sacrifice themselves to get your attention,” she laughs.
“Oh.” I suddenly feel silly for never thinking about this before.
Perhaps if I had, I wouldn’t have sat on so many innocent creatures. I’m motivated to change this. It might not only save my message bearers, but also prevent future trips to the hospital.
“So, how do I know what they’re trying to tell me?”
“You ask them. What’s your message for me? And then you listen to what thoughts and feelings arise within you.”
“Sounds simple enough.” I’m excited at the prospect that the animal world has been trying to talk to me for all these years. Da’s robin the day I met Ethan comes to mind. And I understood that message—go me!
We eat in silence for a while until the scrambled eggs in my stomach turn heavy and uncomfortable. A sudden wave of nausea hits me, and I cover my mouth with one hand while holding onto the table with the other.
“You okay, darling,” Claudette asks, concern in her voice. “You’re looking a little pale.”
“Yeah, I don’t feel so well. Perhaps I’m seasick.”
The light swaying of the ship is suddenly very obvious.
And then it hits me.
Oh no! No, no, no, no, no.
My hands fly to my stomach, and my panicked eyes meet Claudette’s.
Bile rises in my throat, and I jump up and run to the toilet. I make it just in time.
God, no. Please, please don’t let this be true.
I flush the toilet, close the lid and sit down, holding my face in my hands.
Fuck… Tiero. What have you done?
Tears prick my eyes and start rolling down my cheeks. This can’t be happening. I was so hoping I got away with it.
My throat grows tight as images of Tiero’s gorgeous face flash in my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut.
