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We fit together so well, as if we were designed for one another.
Then Aiden kisses me. It’s tender and filled with so much emotion. Unbidden tears fill my eyes as I breathe him in. I feel so safe and protected in his arms; the outside world falls away.
Please God, please. Don’t let this be our last kiss.
Things happen pretty fast then. I get changed in my private bathroom into a highly unflattering operation gown. My fingers tremble the entire time, and my heart is racing so fast, I’m holding onto my chest as if this magically could slow down its beat.
The sparkle of my engagement ring catches my attention and I stretch out my hand, staring at Ade’s promise to love me forever. Fresh tears roll down my face—I don’t want to take it off, but no jewelry is allowed during surgery. Will it break our bond if I do? The thought is completely insane, I know, but in my current state, could anybody blame me?
I hold out my other hand; Rhia’s friendship ring gleaming at me. I haven’t worn this ring for years and my friendship with Rhia is as strong as ever. So it’s going to be okay.
With those words on repeat, I carefully slide both rings off my fingers, and, with a deep inhale, cradle them in the palm of my hands.
Stepping in front of the mirror, I take one last look at myself. Will I see the same person next time? I will look at myself through the same eyes, my body will appear the same, but will I be the same? Will I still feel like me?
A knock on the door disrupts my deliberations, and I’m thankful for it. What good could come from them?
You can do this, I tell my reflection. I reassure myself that when I kiss Aiden one last time before my surgery, it is not for goodbye. It’s going to be a “See you later.”
Another knock on the door. “Is everything okay, Ella?” Becky’s voice comes from outside.
“Yes, I’ll be right out.” Just give me a minute to say goodbye to my heart. My hand covers the spot on my chest where my heart has been beating for twenty-six years.
Thank you,I whisper into the stillness of the room.Thank you.
When I return from to the room on shaky legs, a trolley bed is ready for me, the anesthetist waiting. I climb on, Aiden by my side.
I hold out my closed hand to him and open it, revealing the two rings that symbolize this life’s treasures. “Please hold onto my engagement ring for me,” I say, choking up. “And please give the other to Rhia. Tell her to keep it for me until after the surgery. She will know what that means.”
Ade swallows hard, staring at the rings. His eyes glisten with tears he won’t let fall for my sake. Then they rise to meet mine and he gives me an almost imperceptible nod, taking the rings from me.
He leans down and peppers my face with kisses as I’m prepped for surgery.
My stomach is rock hard with nerves, and I’m holding my breath.
“Breathe, Sunshine. Breathe for me,” Ade reminds me.
“I’m scared to go to sleep,” I whisper, my voice full of tremors as the anesthetic starts to take effect.
“I’m scared too,” Ade admits. “But we both will be fine. This operation will be a success. This is a routine procedure these days, and you’re in the best of hands.”
My eyelids are getting heavy. It’s hard keeping them open. I fight it. I don’t want the dark to take me.
But it’s beckoning me, calling me into its bosom for rejuvenation and a deep rest.
And I’m not alone. Ma and Da are right here with me, at the periphery of my consciousness. And I remember what I realized earlier. They never left me. They’re always there for me, watching over me, guiding me… how could I ever think otherwise? But it doesn’t matter now.
Ma and Da are smiling at me. It’s familiar and reassuring. There is nothing to be afraid of.
I register another kiss on my face, and Ade whispering, “Come back to me, Sunshine. Please come back to me…”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Aiden
Iwatchastheywheel Ella into the operating theater, the doors closing behind her.
Unable to move, I stand there, staring blankly at the sign “solo personale chirurgico” which probably means“Surgical Personnel Only.”
