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“She’s beautiful.”
“Yes. She looked a lot like her mother.” I want to ask so many more questions, but now is not the time. It’s getting late and I’m exhausted.
“Thank you again for everything, Gary. I so appreciate you’re giving me the opportunity to build a new life. It makes me sad and appreciative I benefit because of your loss.”
“I’m glad I told you about Rose. I don’t want you to think I’m a creepy old man.”
“I could never think that about you,” I assure him.
He gets up from the couch and studies me for a moment. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone after the day you had. Why don’t you stay with me and Helen for a few days?”
The smile on my face is genuine. What a truly beautiful soul Gary is. “I don’t want to intrude. I’m okay, honestly.”
“You wouldn’t intrude,” he’s quick to reassure me.
“Thank you. But I need to sort a few things out in my head. I’ll be at work on Monday. It will help me move on and forget what happened.”
Yeah right, fat chance of that… as if a woman could ever forget losing a child… even if it never existed in the first place.
“Promise me you will call me if you need anything.”
“I promise. Please don’t worry about me.” I go to hug him and his embrace feels so good, so comforting. “Thank you for everything,” I murmur into his shoulder.
“I’ll check in on you tomorrow,” Gary says. I nod and give him a weak smile, closing the door behind him as he leaves.
It’s such a sad story. No wonder he seemed so tormented earlier. The air of melancholy remains, even after Gary’s departure.
I strip out of my clothes and put on my pajamas. Not bothering to brush my teeth or clean my face, I go straight to bed.
All I want is to hide under the covers. I’m empty and numb inside.
Yesterday I was on a cruise ship, disembarking full of hope… and apprehension, with ideas of what my future would look like. And now?
I’ve been thrown a curveball, not just once, but twice in the space of twenty-four hours.
First my earth-shattering encounter with Aiden and then the loss of my expectation of motherhood.
Incredible sadness weighs me down. Not just for a baby I loved without it even being there, but also for Gary and his loss.
Would he have still helped me the way he did if it wasn’t for the death of his daughter? What if she hadn’t died?
There I go playing what-if games again. Haven’t I learned by now how pointless they are?
I close my eyes, welcoming the darkness that matches my mood. All I want is for this day and its drama to end.
Chapter Fourteen
Ella
Iwakeupandroll onto my side, hugging my pillow tighter. My eyes fall onto the orchid Rhia gave me with its bright, happy color.
New beginnings. Joy.
I thought my new beginning here in Atlanta would be as a mother. I thought I would carve out a new life for peanut and me.
I feel the opposite of joy. I feel dejected.
Peanut gave me purpose. Knowing a baby was on the way made me want to create a safe future for us.
