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Now what’s the point?
What’s the point of attempting this new life? I’m bound to fail. Tiero will find me eventually and then I’m guaranteed to be in a whole world of pain. He will punish me for running, and there is no heir to his throne that might persuade him to be lenient.
Who knows, perhaps he’ll even kill me. It’s a possibility. At least it would put me out of my misery.
Maybe I should just give up now, move back to Dublin and spend my last days with Rhia.
I roll onto my back and let out a long sigh. My hands cradle my empty abdomen.
Empty…
Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away. Over the past few weeks, I’ve done enough crying to last me a lifetime; I'm sick of it.
God, I was so upset when I first found out I was pregnant… or thought I was pregnant. The anguish of the added responsibility… of the complications to an already fucked-up situation. But I got used to the idea quickly, embracing it even.
If I’m being honest, I cherished the idea of having a permanent living part of Tiero with me. My bond to him forever, our love living on even when we couldn’t be together.
The tears well up again. And this time, no matter how often or rapidly I blink, there’s no stopping them. One after the other fall, and before too long, I’m in the fetal position, rocking with sobs.
My heart is breaking into a million pieces all over again, and I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to put it back together.
I don’t want to face another day. Life is too hard. Loving is too traitorous… it only ever leads to pain.
My eyes lift to the orchid again.
Friendship.
The only person who has never deserted me is Rhia, but that might only be a matter of time. Now that we live in different parts of the world, we’re bound to lose our close connection.
New tears run down my cheeks; I’m mourning the death of a friendship that hasn’t even occurred yet. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic.
I pull the blankets over my head and scream into the pillow.
Fuck!
How did I end up here?
What have I ever done to you, universe, to deserve so much cruelty?
All I ever wanted was to be happy. But it’s not possible now, is it?
I close my eyes again, willing myself to go to sleep and hoping not to wake up again to this nightmare that is my life.
Gandalf’s prophecy riddle floats into my mind…Your soul is not one but three, find all parts you must to be free.
I want to be free. I long to reunite with my parents again and feel that bond that only exists between a parent and a child.
The thought sets off a fresh wave of incredible sadness.
I wanted that baby.
I wanted that connection to Tiero, a piece of his love always with me.
Now I have nothing.
I wake up a few hours later and emerge from under the blankets. Sunlight is streaming in through the windows, but it leaves me cold.
I glance around the room that’s so unlike the apartment I had in Dublin.
