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“We nearly died,” I say. My chest still tightens as the memories play out in my mind.
“I can’t get into details… we were on a mission. There are usually twelve in a team, and when you face what we did, you become close-knit quickly. You rely on your team one hundred percent. There was never a doubt that each and every one of us would have the other’s back.” I pause. Do I really want to retell the rest? But I forge on, “One of our mates betrayed us.”
This still slices deep. The pain is not as stabbing as it once was, but it’s undeniably there.
The pictures are still fresh in my mind. Ginger standing just outside the entrance of the cave with a mirror in his hand just before all hell broke loose. He thought no one would see him.
“What happened?” Ella asks carefully.
I stare off into the distance, remembering it all. “One of our own revealed the location of our hideout to insurgents. We had discovered some information, and they were hellbent to prevent us from passing it on. We had set up camp in a large cave. They were everywhere in the area, so there was no way the enemy could have guessed where we were.
“The cave was attacked with explosives. The blast was so fierce, the front of the cave collapsed. It killed all but the three of us. I don’t know how we survived.
“The force of the impact threw us against the hard rock. Axel’s spine got severely broken. It’s why he is in a wheelchair and his eyesight gone. We all had open wounds from everything hitting us. Ethan’s leg was in shreds and he was bleeding profusely. My left shoulder was dislocated and had a sharp rock half stuck in it… I was losing so much blood. We all had broken bones. None of us could move; we were half buried in rocks. I’ve never been so close to giving up. I thoughtthis is it.”
Ella’s eyes are wide as she listens, her hands intertwined and twisting. “How did you get out of that mess?” she asks, whispering.
“We didn’t for a long time. We knew a recovery team would be sent to our last known location when we failed to call in at our usual hour. But we had no way to tell time. It was pitch black in the cave. We could hear a storm raging outside, which would delay rescue efforts. And then there was the question who would open the cave. Friend or foe? I was prepared to die. There were moments when I felt the life force draining from me, when I didn’t think any of us would make it.
“I remember laying amongst the rocks weak and in utter agony. But the physical pain wasn’t the worst. It was having to listen to my two best friends groaning and crying in pain, not being able to get to them. Being so helpless broke something in me. Up to that point, I could always rely on myself and my skills to maneuver us into the right direction… but in that cave? There was nothing I could do. At that moment, I hated God, I hated life, and I hated the traitor… I hated everything.
“At least, Ethan was able to speak to me, but Axel… we knew he was alive only by his anguished groans. They became less and less as time passed and we didn’t think he would make it. We kept calling out to him, but never got a response. It was the worst torture.
“Some time later, we heard shooting and more explosions in the distance, and figured help had arrived. Whether they could beat the insurgents was another story; they had large numbers to fall back on.”
I swallow hard and dare a look at Ella. Her face is solemn, her eyes sad. “But the rescue team made it?”
“Yes. It took them another hour to open the cave. I’ve never been more relieved in my life. Not for myself but for Axel and Ethan. I needed them to live. I needed to bring them home to their families with their hearts still beating.
“When the medics confirmed Axel was still breathing… I cried.” My eyes still well up when I remember it.
When I glance at Ella, tears are rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that. It’s horrendous. What happened then?”
“Once they dug us out, we were given first aid and air-lifted to the nearest allied hospital. Once we were stable enough, we were sent home for further surgery and rehabilitation. The doctors, nurses, and specialists who looked after us were fantastic, and the physical injuries eventually healed, but the scars they left? We still carry them to varying degrees.”
She reaches out her hand to me and when I take it, she squeezes it gently in silent support. I watch her face as she’s processing everything, and after a few minutes she asks, “How can you be so sure it was someone from your team who betrayed you? Maybe an insurgent had spotted you and followed you unnoticed.”
I force a smile. “We were the best of the best. Nothing would have gone unnoticed. We knew exactly who betrayed us. Our captain caught him in the act.”
Ella’s eyes widen in horror. It shocked all of us to the core. Jim, our captain, had noticed Ginger disappearing outside and had followed him, confronting him when he saw what he had done. They fought, and the rest of our team rushed outside. Axel, Ethan, and I were ordered to pack up our equipment to prepare for leaving and were at the back of the cave where everything was stored. That’s when the explosion happened.
“I’m speechless. I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through in that cave and afterward.” She’s quiet for a moment, thinking. “If you were as close-knit as you say you were, why would this guy betray you? Doesn’t it seem out of character?”
“Yes, he really was a good guy. None of us knew, but he had only just passed the tests to send him back into the field. He was a few years older than us, but nowhere near the end of his active career. He was afraid he wouldn’t pass the next one. On top of that, he had a sick child and parents who needed a lot of medical attention and he didn’t have the funds to cover it. He was worried about how he would pay for it all. He didn’t tell any of us. We found out later from his widow. We have no idea how the insurgents would have gotten in touch with him, but they must have offered him a large sum of money. We’ve concluded he felt pushed into a corner and betraying us was the only way out.”
Ella’s hand is covering her mouth. “Oh my god, that would have been an impossible decision for him. I want to hate this guy for what he did and for the families who lost their husbands, fathers, sons… or like Shelby who lives with the consequences every single day, but it’s not that black and white, is it?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. It took me a long time to sort out my feelings about this… and I have a way to go yet. I lost nine brothers that day. I couldn’t even go to their funerals, pay my last respects to them…” My eyes well up even years later, and I close them to gather myself, swallowing hard.
“If I had lost my two closest friends on top of everything else… I wouldn’t have wanted to live. They gave me focus to keep going, to be there for them. But I won’t lie, Ella. It was the darkest period of my life. It was as if I didn’t know myself anymore. Nothing made sense. It made me question everything in my life.”
My eyes lift to hers, compassion and empathy shining brightly. She’s still holding my hand and then scoots closer to rub my arm soothingly. At the first touch of her skin on mine, the little electric shock I’ve come to expect is there again. It’s the best sensation, especially in this moment when I lay bare and vulnerable before her.
The comfort of her touch is indescribable. It fills a void deep within my soul I’ve covered up for too long. A genuine smile spreads across my face, and my stomach flutters in gentle waves.
This woman is perfection… my perfect fit. I’m fully aware I’ve only known her a few days, but I feel bonded to her in ways I cannot explain.
Not wanting to analyze my reactions to her further, I keep talking. “After that, I couldn’t go back into service. I probably wouldn’t have passed the physical tests anyway. My body wasn’t strong or agile at that point, but with determination, I could have overcome that.But I’m certain I wouldn’t have passed the mental stress tests.
