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Fiona - Four Years Later
How do people do this without peeing on themselves?
Wiping my hand on a piece of toilet paper, I pull the plastic stick from between my legs, place the cap on the end, and set it on the counter, staring at the little window.
Anxiety grips my heart in its claws, although I can’t quite pinpoint why. It’s my college graduation party signifying the start of my life and career, so technically I should be praying silently for a negative result.
And yet, when the single line fills the screen, disappointment is what floods my chest cavity, rooting deep in my soul as I step back into my black gown and readjust my hat, washing my hands in the porcelain sink.
Wrapping the test in several rounds of toilet paper, I swing open the door and find Juliet standing right outside, a wide smile plastered on her face and a toddler who looks just like my brother propped on her hip, sucking on her little ravioli-sized fist.
Eden was something of an oopsie-baby, the product of a tropical honeymoon in the Caribbean and the stress of Juliet being hired as an ecology instructor at Stonemore Community, although I still wonder if Juliet wasn’t feeling a bit competitive with her sister and the capo, who were working on their fifth kid at the time.
And I can’t even make one.
“Well?” Juliet prompts, excitement dancing in her blue eyes. She bounces Eden in the air, waggling her eyebrows at me. “Are you giving E a cousin or what?”
“Jesus, why don’t you announce it to the entire house?” I hiss, the disappointment festering into a sour wound and picking away at my insecurities.
To be honest, I’m a little worried, considering I stopped taking the shot for good back when Boyd and I officially started dating, and we don’t use anything during our rigorous, spontaneous sex marathons. No foams, no pulling out, no post-romp abortifacients.
Sometimes, I think he’s subconsciously trying to knock me up, but he won’t admit it, and I wonder if it has to do with letting his sister down so much when she was a kid than anything else. If he’s trying to atone for his past mistakes.
But there are nights he wraps me in his arms and just cradles my stomach until he falls asleep, like he’s trying to imagine what it’d be like with a baby inside.
And on those nights, I want nothing more than to give him that. Seeing him step up and be a guardian to Riley, a real big brother, shows me he’d be an amazing dad.
Unfortunately, the universe seems to have other plans.
Juliet’s face falls when she realizes where my hostility is coming from, and she frowns, pity curving the corners of her eyes downward. “Oh, Fi. I’m sorry.” She squeezes my arm, offering me a half smile that only makes me feel worse. “Getting pregnant is a lot harder than the teenagers on TLC make it seem, you know. There’s plenty of time to keep trying.”
“I know,” I say, swiping at a stray tear that spills from my eye. “I don’t even know why I’m upset, it’s not like I need to be pregnant right now, anyway. I just graduated.”
“Who’s pregnant?”
My brother’s voice flits through the air behind me, and I close my eyes, wishing he didn’t have ridiculously good hearing. He comes over and grabs Juliet’s cheeks, pulling her in for a sloppy kiss, before reaching for his daughter, tucking a dark brown curl behind her ear.
I feel Boyd’s presence before he’s even anywhere near me—it’s this dark, heady essence that has me pulsing at the apex of my thighs when he’s across a room, not even paying me any mind.
Except, that’s the thing with him. Even when he’s not looking, he’s got an eye on me, and the knowledge of it is enough to keep me hot during public functions.
But right now, I can’t muster up the same enthusiasm, sadness weighing down on my chest like a two-ton brick.
His large, inked hands cover my shoulders, and his lips graze my ear as he bends to greet me. “Princess,” he rasps, the baritone of his voice sending liquid heat down my spine, making me tingle in spite of myself.
It’s one of my favorite things about him—this uncanny ability to pull me, at least a little bit, from any episode, his body so finely tuned to mine that he can almost sense them before I do.
Therapy really does work wonders when you let it.
Kieran glances at his wife and then me, narrowing his eyes. “If one of you is pregnant, I demand to know this instant. I’m already up to my fucking balls in house renovations for this one, please tell me now if I need to add a third bedroom instead of a study.”
“Pregnant?” Boyd repeats, hooking his chin over my head and pulling me back against his body.
Juliet ignores Boyd and smacks her husband in the stomach. “Stop fucking swearing around her, Kieran. Jesus. You know she’s starting to copy us.”
“You just swore,” he points out.
“I don’t do it when she’s around.”
