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I walked to the end of the hall and ducked into class, nodding to my humanities professor before taking a seat. A couple of students from the previous lecture were still hanging around his desk, asking questions about the mid-term.
I glanced at my watch and then pulled out my phone, smiling when the display lit up. Abby’s gorgeous smile graced the screen, laughing at something from a simpler time. But my stomach did somersaults when I saw she’d texted me.
Hey <3
I smiled, tapping out a reply.WTF. How can I miss you already?
Three dots appeared—the manifestation of anticipation.Same.
I chuckled to myself. Abby was an enigma. I knew she loved me. Hell, she’d married me. But her short answers and refusal to get too emotional, other than to express frustration or anger, had me guessing most of the time. I loved that about her.
I loved how stubborn and even how petty she was. I loved how insane she made me feel, how unsure, how afraid. Surely that wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t fucking care. No one had dared make me feel those things before—at least, not on purpose.
I just wrote Abby Maddox on my notebook. With hearts. How lame am I?
A huge grin spread across my face.Finally.
Was that weird for you?
Nope. Gotta go. <3 you.
Professor Halsey stood from his seat and walked around to the front of his desk, leaning his ass against the wooden edge. He was a gangly thing. All arms, legs, and nose, his black, greasy hair styled over to one side to poorly hide the bald spot on the crown of his head. He fanned out his fingers and pressed the tips together, touching his pointers to his lips.
“As I’m sure you’re all aware, the school has suffered a terrible loss this past weekend.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and students shifted in their seats. I sunk into my desk.
Halsey continued. “We’ve been instructed to inform you about the free on-campus counseling services provided for every student by Eastern State. Based on the numbers, I’m sure we have at least one person in this very classroom who knew someone who was injured, survived, or became a victim in the basement of Keaton. This can be a frightening, overwhelming time for anyone, whether you were close with one of the victims or not. So please ... don’t ignore any feelings you’re having trouble processing. We’re here to help.” He paused just long enough to let his words sink in, and then he continued with the lesson.
A girl or two sniffled a few times, but other than that, we proceeded as normal, taking notes and asking questions.
The moment he dismissed class, I bolted for the door, quickly making my way outside, and then breaking into a jog all the way to where Abby would be leaving class. She’d just stepped out of the doors, stopping when she saw me. I crashed into her, and she hooked her arm around my middle, guiding me down the steps and around the side of the building.
“What happened?” she said, keeping her voice quiet and calm.
My chest heaved as I gasped for breath. I shook my head, unable to answer.
“Travis, look at me,” she said, grabbing my jaw and lifting my head until my gaze met hers. “Talk.”
“They’re all dead. So many people are walking around without their friends, roommates ... family members.” I pointed at my chest. “I did that.”
“No. You didn’t.” She peeked over her shoulder, and then back at me. “It’s not your fault. We all made choices that night. It was an accident. A horrendous, nauseating accident. But—” She grabbed my jaw to face her. “Look at me. You need to get it together, Maddox. If people see you like this and tell the cops—”
“Maybe they should. Maybe I should turn myself in,” I said. No breath I took was deep enough. The more air I pulled in, the less satisfying it felt.
“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked. For the first time, she was struggling to retain her poker face. “You better listen to me.” She gripped the bottom hem of my shirt. “I’m not going to let them take you, and you’re not going to leave me willingly, do you hear me?”
“You think I want to?” I spat, flustered.
“They died, yes, and it is awful, yes, but you don’t get to leave me. You are going to pick your wife and your marriage over everything else from now on. You choose us over your guilt, over your goddamn morals, and you choose us even over the right thing to do! If that makes me selfish or a bad person, I accept that. I’ll take it, damn it! But they won’t understand that you didn’t mean for any of it to happen. They won’t care that you didn’t choose the building or put up the lanterns. They’ll arrest you, Travis. They’ll arrest you, and cuff you, and take you away from me, and ...” Her bottom lip began to quiver.
I pulled her into my chest, holding her as she trembled in my arms. “Baby,” I said, surprised. I’d never seen her so rattled.
She pushed me away, keeping hold of my T-shirt in her fist, pulling as she spoke. “Don’t do anything stupid, Travis. Don’t you fucking dare.” Frustrated, she tightened her free hand into a fist and hit my chest.
It didn’t hurt, but it was just hard enough to make a point.
Her eyes glossed over. “You’re theonlyfamily I’ve got. Do you hear me? If I lose you, I loseeverything.”
