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Papa’s earlier comment echoed through her mind.“I think, though, you need us to fill the emptiness you feel inside.”She didn’t dare look into Gil’s face for fear he’d read what she was thinking.Is Gil meant to be the one who fills my emptiness?She said, “Jo?”
“If you have time later this afternoon, I’d like to talk to you about the uniforms.”
The impersonal topic almost stung. “Of course. Perhaps around three?”
“That sounds fine. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She darted into the kitchen and closed the swinging door behind her. With the men’s companionable conversation rumbling from the other side of the wall, she filled a small plate for Mama and took it to her parents’ room. She cracked the door without knocking in case Mama was asleep, but she saw Mama sitting up in the bed. She went on in. “I brought your lunch.”
“Oh, thank you.” Mama shifted a little higher against thepillows. “I awoke a few minutes ago. I think the smell of the roasted vegetables brought me out of my sleep.”
Ava draped a napkin over Mama’s lap and placed the plate on top of it. “Well, I hope that means your appetite is improving. You need to eat to regain your strength.”
“I’m hungrier than I’ve been in days.” Mama picked up the fork from the edge of the plate, her gaze roving over the food. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat it all, though. You gave me so much.”
“If you clean your plate, I’ll bring you somePlüma Mooss.”
Laughter trickled from Mama’s throat, and then she coughed.
Ava snatched a rumpled handkerchief from the bedside table, pressed it into her mother’s hand, then lifted the plate out of the way. She stood helplessly by while Mama coughed into the lacy square of cotton for several seconds.
Finally Mama sat back against the pillows and released a heavy sigh. She aimed a teasing wink at Ava. “You sounded so much like me, promising a treat to Rupert when he was small to convince him to eat his vegetables. Ach, but as much as I enjoyed the memory, please don’t make me laugh again.”
Ava put the plate on Mama’s lap once more and laid the handkerchief aside. “I won’t. I promise.”
While Mama ate, Ava paced the room. She sensed her mother’s gaze following her, but she didn’t peek to confirm it until Mama cleared her throat. Ava instinctively turned.
“You are as restless as a caged lion,” Mama said, her tone teasing. “Am I eating too slowly?”
The questions plaguing her begged answers. Ava crossed to the edge of Mama’s bed and blurted, “Mama, do you need me?”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ava
Mama’s brows furrowed. “Right now,to help me eat?”
Ava sat on the edge of the mattress. “Not necessarily right now, but always. To help with the housework and gardening. To do the cooking. To take care of you when you’re sick. Do you…need me?”
Mama set the plate on the bedside table. “Why are you asking me this?”
“Papa said I’m not needed here. He said I’m only using him and you to fill a void in my life.” Repeating the statement stabbed anew. If Mama confirmed it, she might not be able to bear the pain. But she had to know. “Do you think I’m taking care of you out of selfishness? Or do you understand why I’ve chosen to stay?”
“Ach, such a question…” Sympathy glowed in Mama’s pale hazel eyes. She slowly shook her head. “I think you misunderstood your papa’s intentions. Of course I know why you’ve stayed. You’re a dear, dedicated daughter. You honor us with your faithful devotion to us.”
Ava nearly sagged in relief. “I’m so glad you don’t think I’m selfish. That I’m using you to”—she chose Papa’s words—“fill the emptiness I feel inside.”
“We could never be enough to do that.” Mama’s wise smile comforted Ava. “Only our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, can fill all the aching, empty holes in our hearts. And only seeking and following His will can complete us.”
Ava lifted her gaze to the window, to the seemingly endless stretch of prairie. “I thought I’d found His will for me, staying here and taking care of you. But lately…” Her vision clouded, and she blinked to clear it.
“Lately, it hasn’t seemed to be enough?”
Mama’s gentle query jolted Ava. She gaped at her mother. “How did you know?”
Her mother smiled and tapped her temple with her finger. “A mother knows.”
Ava returned her focus to the prairie.
