Page 65 of Still My Forever


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“I’m not worried.”

But she was clearly worried about something. Timmy? Or something more? He flicked the reins, and Roald’s old mare obediently pulled them from the churchyard. They fell in with the line of buggies and wagons carrying families home. Home, where meals waited in stoves and tables were set with the dishes reserved for special occasions and Sundays. Oddly, the thought made Gil homesick. When would he finally have a house, a wife, and children with whom to gather around the table?

He cleared his throat. “Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Jo, there is.” She stared straight ahead, as if afraid to look at him. “Gil, what you told Papa at Roald’s yesterday, about l-loving me—did you mean it?”

His hand tightened on the reins. Oh, to have two good hands right now so he could put one around her and draw herclose. “Jo, I meant it. I’ve always meant it. I…I feel as if I’ve loved you forever, Ava.”

“And last night, when we planned to go to the barn, did you intend to ask me to be your wife?”

How he wanted to ask Ava to be his bride—his wife, his love, his life—but would it be fair when he wasn’t even sure where they would live? “I wanted to talk about it, jo. To tell you why I hadn’t asked you yet.”

She swallowed. “Tell me now.”

He examined her profile, wishing she would turn her face toward him. “There’s so much uncertainty yet. Where would we live? What would I do to support you? I cleared tables and washed dishes at a small café to pay my bills in New York while I peddled my music and auditioned to conduct or play in orchestras. My job paid enough for me to cover food and half the rent on an apartment, but I wouldn’t want to return to a setup like that with a wife.”

She gave him a quick peek with her eyes without turning her head. “What about the teaching job you told me about? Wouldn’t it support you and a…a wife?”

He made a face, turning his attention to the road. “It’s a small school, Ava. The only reason I considered taking the position is it would still allow me time for musical pursuits outside the classroom. Would the salary be enough to pay for a house, for us to afford children? Nä, it wouldn’t.” He sighed, glancing at her sweet profile. “I know I am to work with the boys’ band. I know I am meant to take them to the competition. God made that very clear to me. But what I’m to do when the contest is over? I don’t know. I won’t know until we’ve played and I find out whether we’ve won or lost. Because the outcome will either require me to stay in Kansas longer, where I will have to find afull-time job when Roald is on his feet again, or send me back to New York to the same situation I had before…barely getting by while hoping to finally sell my compositions.”

He took a deep breath. “I want nothing more than to ask for your hand. I even have a special way I plan to do it.”

She finally fully looked at him, her face tipped at a curious angle. “You do? What?”

He shook his head. “Ach, nä, you’ll have to wait.”

“Until when?”

“Until my hand lets me hold the violin bow.”

Her expression changed from curious to confused. “What?”

He smiled at her. “You must trust me with this.”

She stared at him for several seconds, as if her penetrating gaze could read beneath the surface and uncover his intention. Then she sighed. “I love you, Gil. It’s taken me a long time to admit that my love for you isn’t going away. I believe God planted it within me. I don’t want you to go to New York again without me. But I can’t go to New York with you if we aren’t wed.”

Gil gulped. Was she proposing to him?

“I’m Mama and Papa’s only remaining child. They never got to see Anton or Rupert court and marry. I want them to have the pleasure of seeing their daughter wed. I don’t need a fancy wedding. I don’t need a new dress or even a big party afterward. All I need, Gil, is”—she slightly leaned toward him—“you promising your love to me.”

The words he’d written for Ava’s song whispered in the back of his heart. He longed to sing them to her and deliver the promise she requested. But the time wasn’t yet ripe. He had to wait.

Town waited just ahead. A town with houses with windows and pairs of eyes to peek out and see them. He pulled the reinsand guided the horse off the road into the thick grass, set the brake, and turned sideways in the narrow seat. He placed his hand over hers. “You already have my love, Ava. Given the circumstances and how little time we have to plan, I’m glad you’ll be happy with a simple ceremony. Since you likely won’t get all the fancy things other brides anticipate, it’s all the more important that I give you a special proposal. And I can’t do that until—”

She sighed. “Your hand heals and you can play your violin.”

He smiled. “Jo.”

She sighed again, but a hint of teasing glittered in her eyes. “I suppose this is what I deserve for falling in love with a musician.”

“So you forgive me?”

She tapped her chin with her fingertip, eyes rolled upward as if in deep contemplation.

He laughed and pulled her into a hug with his good arm. His wrist got caught between them, causing him pain, but it was worth it to hold her even for a few seconds. He kissed her temple. “I do love you, Ava Flaming. I have ever since you were a freckle-faced tomboy.”

She smiled up at him, beguiling in her sweet innocence. “I only pretended to be a tomboy so I could be with you.”

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