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“Once you shower,” I said.
His chest rumbled with laughter. “That bad, huh?”
I looked up into his eyes and gave him a pitiful smile.
“I can manage that. Why don’t you go eat your dinner? You need your strength.”
We opened the dividing doors between our rooms and I slowly ate my pasta while the shower ran. Now that I knew I was infected, I couldn’t stop analyzing my body’s feelings. My throat wasn’t sore at all. My eyes were achy, I guess. I was tired, but I assumed that was because I didn’t get much sleep at the police station.
I ate half the bowl of pasta before I decided I needed to do something,anything, to take my mind off things.
Donovan’s room was messy with clothes and dishes from the meals I had been sending him. I picked up his clothes, tossed them on the bed, then stripped the sheets. I carried that bundle downstairs to the laundry room and started a load, then brought back fresh sheets for the bed. After that, I began cleaning up the dishes.
While I tidied up, I thought about everything I had learned about the virus. Some people who contracted it only had mild symptoms. Others reactedreallybadly. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to it, aside from age. Donovan and I had that on our side, at least.
But what if my symptoms weren’t mild? Who would take care of Donovan if I was bedridden?
While putting fresh sheets on the bed, Donovan stepped out of the bathroom wearing only a towel. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I need to do something to feel in control.” I smiled at him. “It’s hard not to jump your bones right now, you know.”
He smiled weakly. “I don’t have much energy, but I’ll see what I can manage.”
“That would be an embarrassing message on your tombstone. Here lies Donovan Russo. Rather than fighting off a deadly virus, he wasted his last energy having sex.”
“I wouldn’t say it would be awaste. There are worse ways to go, Feisty.”
I went back downstairs to move the laundry to the dryer. This was an emergency, and I needed to prepare. What would my mom do if she were here? What would she tell me if I could call her on the phone, like I so desperately wished I could do?
I went into the kitchen and cooked the rest of the raw pasta I had made. Then I packed it into six plastic to-go containers and brought them back upstairs to store in Donovan’s mini-fridge along with a few other supplies.
“We used to get blizzards back home, thanks to lake-effect snow rolling south,” I explained when he asked what I was doing. “Mom would make a dozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, just in case we lost power. That’s what I’m doing: making food in case we get too sick to leave the room. I brought oranges, too. We have seven left. Those are for me, but Icouldbe convinced to share if you ask nicely.”
“Molly…”
“Oh! I forgot to tell you: I made a Russo Pie earlier today! It was supposed to be a surprise after dinner, but I kind of forgot about it when I got my test results. It’s downstairs if you want some. I think I nailed the recipe, but I want your opinion.”
“That’s great, but Molly…”
“I need to bring a bunch of Gatorades up here too. There are only eight bottles left downstairs, and we might as well keep them close.”
“Molly.” Donovan grabbed me by the arms. “You need to slow down.”
“I need todosomething,” I insisted. “Because if I’m not being productive, then I’m just… I’m just…”
He pulled me into another hug. “It’s okay to feel things,” he said softly. “You don’t have to put on a strong face for me.”
I realized that’s what I had been doing. Running around in caregiver mode, putting on a strong face to keep Donovan from worrying. And to keepmyselffrom accepting what was happening.
Once I let my guard down, the reality of the situation sank in. I was far from home. I was infected. I might get sick.
I mightdie.
I fell apart in his arms and wept. He held me close, stroking my hair and telling me it would be okay. His skin was warm from his fever, which made me cry even harder.
What if it isn’t going to be okay?
We crawled into bed and fell asleep together. After a few days sleeping alone, I realized just how much Ineededto be in his arms. It felt right.
