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I strip out of my nasty traveling clothes, stiff from hotel soap, and step under the hot spray. A shower has never felt so good. The heat and pressure of the water beating down on me brings me back to life. I feel better bit by bit as I scrub my body clean, being careful not to press too hard on the now yellow and green bruising all over my ribs.
I quickly dry off and pull Sawyer’s clothes on. Luckily the pants have a drawstring that I cinch tight around my waist. I have to roll the ankles a few times. The shirt falls to mid-thigh on me. It’s a V-neck, and unfortunately they’re going to see how my collarbones protrude sharply, and my ribs are visible beneath my breasts.
I really look at myself in the mirror for the first time in months. My face is too thin, my brown eyes look dull with shadows underneath them. Honestly, I look strung out. It’s not a good look and exactly why I stopped looking at myself in the mirror.
When I rejoin the guys in the living room, they’ve each spread out. Sawyer is on one end of the couch with Lake on the other. Grant is standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out into the dark night, his expression lost in the shadows. Nolan is stretched out on a chair with a computer resting on his thighs while he works.
I stand in the corner for a minute watching them. It is an odd feeling, the comforting familiarity of them clashes with how I never feel safe anymore. My gut is telling me I can finally relax, but my mind is stuck in high alert.
“Hey, Liv.” Lake is the first to notice me. “Shower feel good?”
“It did. I’m sorry for making you wait.”
They all look at me when I apologize and then look at each other.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I just walked into the bedroom to change and then saw the shower. I thought it’d be better to shower before putting on clean clothes, especially since I don’t have anything else to wear.”
“Livvy,” Nolan sets his glasses on the table, “you don’t need to apologize for taking a shower. No one here is in a rush for anything from you.” He puts an emphasis on the last sentence which makes me wonder if there is someone who wants to push for answers.
“Sit down.” Lake pats the cushion next to him.
Sawyer shifts on the couch so he can watch me. “Give us anything you feel comfortable sharing.”.
“I don’t want to go into details,” my voice shakes with nerves. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”
“Of course.” He nods. “Just start with why you left, how you left, and what we can do to help you.”
“I left because Tripp was,” the words catch in my throat. I’ve never spoken them out loud before. “He was abusing me. After the last incident, our butler came to me in the middle of the night, gave me the keys to his son’s old car, a little over eight hundred dollars, and a bus ticket. I had twenty minutes, so I left everything behind. I wrecked the car, left my purse and phone inside it, and took a bus to Oklahoma, the train from Oklahoma to Chicago, and then a bus from Chicago to here.”
They haven’t reacted audibly to anything I’ve said but any other reaction I’d miss. I’ve been staring at my knees the entire time. I’m scared to look up at them. Will they believe me? Will they send me back to him?
“As far as what you can do to help me, I guess all you can do is what you’ve done so far. I don’t know why I came to you, but you were the only ones I thought of when I left our house. Even letting me stay for a night before I go on is beyond what I could ask for or expect.”
They were the only ones I could go to for help. My parents died in a car accident outside of Aspen less than a year after I got married. My uncle is no longer living in the US, and I don’t have access to my passport. I’ve been estranged from any of my friends for years, case in point here.
“So you’re just going to keep running?” Grant scoffs derisively. “Not much of a plan if you’re as scared as you say you are.”
“Fuck off.” Nolan glares at Grant. “I don’t know why you’re being such a dick, but there is the goddamn door.” He points while he speaks. “You know how to use it.”
“Food’s here,” Sawyer says after checking an incoming text. “Grant, come help me bring it up.”
They leave, and Nolan slides over so he’s sitting next to me on the couch. “I don’t know what his problem is, Livvy, but don’t worry about him.”
“It’s okay.” I keep my eyes fixed on the window Grant had been standing by. “I’m the one coming back after all these years with no warning. It’s jarring.”
“Doesn’t feel jarring to me,” Nolan puts his hand over mine, “feels like it should have been this way all along.”
“Yeah, like our missing piece is back with us.” Lake fist bumps Nolan across me. “We’ll get you through this.”
“How have you two been? I need a break from talking about myself.” I force myself to relax into the couch, curling my legs up in front of me.
“Things are good. We do all the,” Nolan pauses and looks at Lake, “less mainstream work.” They both nod in approval at his choice of words. “The four of us formed an umbrella business about a year after graduation. I do the IT side of everything.”
“Lake does the…. ah,” he pauses again.
“Security work,” Lake supplies.
“Yes,” Nolan snaps and points at Lake, “security.”
