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“No. She has brought up the time and I tell her to put it from her mind. There is no time limit on things. We’ve got options. I have to go home at some point, even if it’s temporary. She knows that.”
“So you are thinking of coming back?”
He figured he could share with his mother but didn’t want to get her hopes up. “Listen. I want what I’ve got with Zara to continue. But as you said, it’s two months. We still have things to work out. She has feelings she isn’t telling and I’m doing the same. I’ve got to get her to trust I’ll not leave her before we go further. I told her we’ve got options. I can rent this place longer.”
“Which is wasteful,” his mother said.
“She said the same. I can stay with her for a few weeks a month. I can work from anywhere. If she can watch Max at least some of the time I’m in town I can work around when she can’t.”
“I can watch Max for you,” his mother said.
“See,” he said. “Options. I keep telling her they are there, but then we stop talking about it. I want to enjoy these next five weeks. I want to get you set up to sell the marina.”
“It will be listed soon,” his mother said. “Things take time though. I don’t expect a sale right away.”
“You never know,” he said. “The sooner you can retire the better. I feel like everything is coming together.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about your father,” his mother said.
“If you need to talk about him, I can,” he said.
“He’d be proud of you. Hewasproud of you. Just because you two didn’t get along or agree on a lot, at the core of it you had the same values.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Ren, he only wanted to take care of those he loved. He might not have been soft or gentle about it, but deep down, he was a provider. That is you too.”
“I suppose,” he said.
“I’m going to be fine. I’m going to miss your father. Even his grouchiness. It’s hard to not remember or miss someone you spent so much time with. Day in and day out. We lived together. We worked together. I can’t go anywhere that I don’t have a memory of him.”
He saw the tears in her eyes. “Maybe you should sell the house.”
“No, Ren. I want those memories. Whether they were good or bad, I don’t want to get rid of them. That is what makes life what it is. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful. We learn from everything we do and experience. They can’t be wiped away.”
It seemed to him he was getting advice left and right without asking. “You’re telling me to stop shoving it all in a dark closet? Everything with Dad and Zara?”
“I am. Until you stop doing that you aren’t going to be able to move forward.”
“I’m not shoving anything with Zara away,” he said. “I’m just not pushing her.”
“But you are pushing everything with your father away and you need to reconcile with that before you can move forward with Zara too. Whether you believe it or not, it’s all connected.”
“I know it is,” he said. More than anyone would ever know.
29
Creeping Up On Us
About two and a half weeks later, Ren and Zara decided to go out to dinner midweek. His mother picked up Max for him and was watching his son for a few hours. He realized that it was only the second time since he’d been here they’d had some time without Max between them.
Not that he wanted to give up time with his son, but the time with Zara was closing in. Only about two and a half weeks left and they needed to talk.
“This is nice,” she said when they were seated. “It’s quiet in here this time of year and so nice to not have to cook.”
Ren looked around the restaurant that was only half full. They weren’t alone but could talk without being heard. That was part of what he wanted to do.
“I feel bad most of the time we’re together is spent taking turns dealing with Max and then getting him ready for bed.”
