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They followed me everywhere.
Milky and terrible, they hounded my steps, drowning everything else out. My feet walked on, uncaring where they took me. The hands that guided me would take care of the destination. I couldn't care less.
Even through the fog, I couldn't escape them, couldn’t shake their presence. Those cloudy, sightless eyes that would forever haunt me. Forever a reminder.
I’m a failure.
There was no chance of rescue, no hope of a hero. Heroes no longer existed.
The fog grew thicker as the words echoed like a gong in my head, the only thing that was clear to me. I could hardly believe I once thought I could be a hero, could save everyone. I couldn’t even save myself.
Through my morose thoughts, I was dimly aware of a bowl being placed into my hands, and muffled voices encouraging me to eat. Mechanically, I brought the spoon to my lips, not even tasting its contents. My actions had become merely routine, and I hardly felt I was in control of my body. Life was a fog.
I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore.
He was gone. My father, my brave father, was gone. I was continuously reliving the moment I had seen his severed head and his misty eyes haunted my living nightmare.
A warm blanket was wrapped around me as I was encouraged to lay down, but a dull voice in the back of my head screamed against sleeping. That’s when the nightmares became truly terrible. Yet, I didn’t have the strength to fight as sleep pulled me into its murky embrace.
I blinked my eyes, the last clinging wisps of my dreams fading away in the light of day. Memories of my nightmares floated through my consciousness like a dandelion in the wind, and a chill crept up my spine at the images. I slowly sat up, unsure through the fog. I pulled the blanket closer around my shoulders to ward off the chill at my back and tried to ignore the terrible eyes staring at me.
"Alright, girl. I've given you a week to get out of your funk, out of respect for your father. But now we're coming up on dangerous territory, and you need to snap out of it.”
I followed the voice and noticed Epione sitting beside me. I wonder when she got here.
"Now I know you've been through a trauma and your brain is still trying to make sense of it, but we need you. Will needs you.”
I felt a flutter at her words, but I still couldn't find the energy to move, to care. How could I help them if I couldn't even help my father? My father - I am an orphan now. At that realization, it seemed like Epione drifted a way off and I was floating above her. Her words couldn't reach me anymore.
"We've tried this before, Epione, it hasn't worked." I heard the gruff words, and the voice seemed to prick something inside of me, and I felt more than saw a flash of silver. Mild curiosity brought me down far enough to hear his next words. “We need Will to get across to her, but his mind is in too delicate a place to risk it. One false move and I’m afraid his mind will splinter.”
A tidal wave of fear almost drowned me under its depths, and the fog around me seemed to thicken until I could hear no more.
* * *
I felt the vague sense that I was walking and tuned in to the warm hands holding my arm, leading me. Actually, the hand was very warm, almost hot. I tried to pull away, and the hand simply let go.
“Arrow?” That voice seemed to float at my shoulder, and I turned to look at it. Can voices float? A flash of silver peaked through the fog, and I stared, mesmerized. Silver was one of my favorite colors. It reminded me of winter and melting snow. The promise of spring, of new life, not yet realized. “Arrow, can you hear me?”
“Einri?" I croaked, slightly startled at the scratchy quality of my voice.
“Arrow, I need you to focus on the sound of my voice, can you do that?”
Dumbly, I nod, watching in wonder as his silver eyes seemed to draw closer to me, even as the logical part of my brain insisted it’s not possible without him moving his feet.
“I know you’re struggling right now, but I want you to know you’re not alone. We're here for you.” He cleared his throat. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Okay?”
My eyes pricked, and I blinked to rid myself of the pain.
“I can’t tell you that I know what you are feeling, but I can tell you how I felt at my worst. Would you like that?” His normally gruff voice was soothing, and I felt some of the fog recede at the sound. I nodded.
“I remember when I experienced my first change, the terror and uncertainty and the feeling of profound loss. I felt like I lost who I was.” He bent down to look me in the eyes, and I felt his piercing gaze down to the marrow of my bones. “But I realized that I didn’t, not really. Instead, what I gained was exquisite. I gained a deeper understanding of myself, of my strengths and limitations. I discovered a family, not of blood, but one I chose for myself and can rely on to have my back, no matter what. I gained more, so much more than I could have ever dreamed for myself. And what I lost? Well, that was what I already didn’t have, I just didn’t know it yet.”
I barely breathed, listening to him talk, mesmerized as the fog slowly dissipated. As he continued talking, I felt a bubbling in my chest, as if something were trying to get out. I resisted, not ready to find out what it was. Einri gently grabbed my face, his overly warm hands oddly comforting on either side of my face.
“Arrow?”
I followed the familiar voice, my heart constricting at the sad sound, as Will walked up to us. “Arrow, I love you, and I can’t lose you too. Please, I need you.”
