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Breathing was easier outside as the frigid chill helped to clear my thoughts. The fog no longer weighed me down, butI could sense it hanging on the edges.
I don’t know how far I stumbled through the snowy terrain trying to find the will to fight the pain and grief. Tears flowed, leaving frozen tracks down my cheeks while my fingers and toes had long since gone numb.
Stopping in a clearing blanketed by white and surrounded by skeletal trees, I looked around, hoping to find answers. There was nothing. The world was quiet and still. Normally the absence of sound was an indicator that a predator was near. Normally I’d be on high alert, checking for danger, but my fingers didn’t even twitch. I didn’t wish for my bow, the only thing I wanted had left this world.
As I slipped back into my morose thoughts, the fog appeared again, trying to choke my thoughts and drown me in sorrow. It swirled, growing thicker and more dense. A sob built in my throat as the weight of my sorrow crashed down on my shoulders. As I fell to my knees, digging my fingers into the fresh snow, I bowed my head and cried.
My shoulders shook as more tears coated my cheeks. My grief was debilitating, and I saw no way out.
The crunch of snow drew my attention. Lifting my head, I saw a wolf with russet colored fur take another step into the clearing, its dark eyes fixed on me. Fear gripped my heart and the fog evaporated. Adrenaline surged into my system and for the first time in over a week I could think clearly.
The wolf sniffed the air then its hackles rose, revealing teeth and fangs as long as my pinky finger. A menacing growl echoed through the clearing, causing the fine hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Its ears twitched, listening, while its piercing gaze never wavered from me.
My heart sped up while an all too familiar tingle raced down my arm to my fingers. They itched for the string of my bow. The weapon that I felt at home holding, that reminded me of my father. Tears coated my throat, but I swallowed them back down. In the back of my mind, I heard his voice again, encouraging and guiding.
“Easy, Arrow. Just like we talked about.” He whispered, standing behind me and guiding my fingers to the bow string. “To feel fear when facing a predator is natural. Accept it for what it is, self-preservation. This is your body and mind’s way of preparing to defend but don’t let it consume you. Let it fill you, fueling your reactions and instincts. Now, focus on your training. You know what to do.”
I’d raised the bow, pulling back the string until the fletching tickled my cheek. I aimed down the shaft of the arrow, past the point, then farther still. The coyote was a dozen paces away, its mouth dripping with foamy saliva. Its eyes were bloodshot and wild. The madness of the illness corrupting its mind was evident.
I could clearly see the thirst for blood in its eyes and knew that if given the chance it would attack my father and me or even someone else. I couldn’t let that happen. As a future Stewart of Loxley, one day I’d need to make decisions that would affect the people under my protection. Sometimes death was the greatest mercy.
Blinking, I brought the clearing back into focus along with the russet-colored wolf who had stalked two paces closer to me. The fur on its back was standing straight up, just like the hairs on my nape were. I wasn’t the only one facing a predator. I’m sure it could sense the danger in me just like I could sense the same thing in it. However, while it was equipped with claws and teeth, I was not.
Stupid to leave without a weapon.
But I hadn’t been thinking. I’d been running. Trying to rid myself of the fog of grief that wanted me to remain in its clutches. A part of me wished to stay there, to not think of anything beyond my mind. I couldn’t though. There were people relying on me, needing me. That didn’t mean I had to be perfect, I was human after all, but I could try. I had no delusions that I could be what they needed but I could give it my best shot. They deserved that.
Glancing around I tried to find anything that I could use as a weapon, but the nearest tree was several paces away. The wolf would be on me before I could reach it. The ground was covered in snow with no indications that there was a decent sized stone I could use. With a sigh I faced the wolf, balling my hands into fists, ready to use them as my only weapon. I wasn’t confident that my hands would be the most effective weapon, but they were all I had.
With a snarl the wolf lunged for me, and I surged to my feet, running to meet the creature halfway. The wolf gathered itself and leaped, claws outstretched ready to tear into me, its teeth not far behind. I stepped sideways, letting the creature sail past me while I wound up and punched it in the side of the neck.
A sharp yip escaped the wolf as it landed, then shook its head.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” I spoke to it, feeling like an idiot for trying to reason with it. “I know you are just protecting your territory, so I don’t blame you for challenging me. I’d probably do the same thing in your position.”
The wolf cocked its head like it was listening to my words and possibly understood them but that wasn’t possible. Was it?
“I’m just out here trying to make sense of everything. My father is dead, and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left him behind, but it was his choice. I shouldn’t feel guilty for that, but I do.” I sniffed, feeling tears fill my eyes again. “I stood up to the king, defied him, and encouraged others to do the same. I’m a traitor to the crown, but I know it was the right thing to do, just like putting down that rabid coyote. He’d be proud of me.”
I’d stood my ground and fought against injustice just like my father had taught me to do. He’d be proud of the choices I made. I just wished he was here to see it for himself.
“I’m not sure why I’m talking to you. If anyone knew they’d think I’ve gone mad … and maybe I have.” I sank to my knees, weak from all the grieving. “I’m tired. I’m going to lie down. If you need to attack me again all I ask is that you wait until I’m rested. It wouldn’t be a fair fight - not that fairness matters to a wolf but maybe it does, for once.”
I gathered my cloak around me and lowered until I was laying on my side facing the wolf while snow pillowed my head. Dark clouds swirled in the sky, and I could smell the snow before it began to fall.
I laid there for a long time watching the snow fall from the clouds while the wolf sat there watching me. A small smile spread across my face when I considered that maybe the creature had heard me and was going to allow me to rest before we’d fight again. A considerate wolf. A strange concept but one I appreciated.
My eyes closed for a moment, but the sound of crunching snow had me blinking them open again. The wolf was walking toward me, its head bent down, tail swinging from side to side. It reminded me of the wolf tamer that would travel from village to village in my youth. This was not the behavior of a wild wolf.
I didn’t move as it drew near enough to sniff my face. It huffed and then turned around in a tight circle before lying down. We were laying nose to nose and for the first time since I arrived, I wondered if I was dreaming. Was the wolf a hallucination my mind conjured in an attempt to come to grips with my father’s death?Now that I accepted it maybe now the wolf was at peace too.
It didn’t matter whether this was a dream or reality. What did matter was the people I cared about needed me, and while I was exhausted, I knew they’d be there when I was rested. With that thought running through my mind, I closed my eyes and drifted into darkness with no sign of fog anywhere.
“Arrow.” My name drifted to my ears, spoken in a voice that dripped thickly like honey.
A warm weight on top of me kept me from rising immediately to investigate where the voice was coming from. I sighed then tucked my head into the soft fur pillow that smelled of forest and snow. A delicious combination.
“Arrow, wake up.” The voice said again, and I managed a growl. It was warm and comfortable, and I was tired. Why did I have to get up now?
