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Dear God.
I was actually going to lose her.
You’ll lose her either way, asshole.
Wasn’t it better that she was safe? Protected from the realities of this life? Wasn’t I doing the right thing?
My thoughts jumped back to that day at the gala when I’d realized protecting her body wasn’t the same as protecting her mind, and that somehow, I had to balance the two.
Not telling her was selfish, I knew that… but how could I say the words knowing she’d run away? How could I tell her, knowing it would just bring about a world of pain?
“Cait-” I tried again, my voice cracking.
Her back was to me, her shoulders quivering as she cried. It was killing me to see her hurt, especially knowing I caused it.
It was selfish of me to keep it to myself, knowing how scared she would be… I just couldn’t lose her.
I backed away, ready to leave, maybe she would calm down and come around. But just as I reached the door, she turned on her heel and ran towards me on a sob.
Relief swept through me as I caught her easily, holding her against my body while she cried into my shoulder.
“I fucking hate you,” she rasped between sobs, and I smiled into her hair.
“I hate me too, Clover. You have no idea.” I stroked my hand down her bare back in a lame attempt to soothe her.
I held her for a while but then she shuddered in my arms, her teeth chattering.
“Let’s get you in the shower and warmed up.” I held her at arm’s length, looking down at her tear-stained face. I needed to compromise here, or it would be too late to salvage anything.
“There’s some tension amongst our allies, and we’re working on a solution,” I told her, swallowing back my fear. “It’s nothing to worry about at this point, but I promise to tell you everything after the wedding. How about that?”
“That sounds like a trap.” Her brows pinched together as she eyed me suspiciously.
“It is. But I promise I’m going to make you happy, Cait. I promise.” I reached for her hand, opening the fist where she held the engagement ring she’d just ripped from her finger.
I kissed her forehead as I returned the ring to its rightful place.
“Don’t ever take this off, Clover.”
She nodded, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss me.
I gladly took the invitation, swooping in to claim her lips and trap her against me. I let out a sigh, feeling the tension leave my muscles. The fight was over. Everything was okay.
Compromise.
I could do that.
She deepened the kiss, her breasts grazing my chest. There were too many fucking clothes between us.
I stripped out of my suit, dumping it on the floor as she finished undressing. She stepped under the water first, letting out a small gasp when the heat connected with her skin.
I’d never been jealous of fucking water before.
I was going insane.
I joined her in the shower, gripping the back of her neck to pull her to me, bruising her with a deep kiss. I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. I wanted to prove that even though I was keeping things from her, she could trust me.
I grabbed her hips, turning her to face away from me and bent her at the waist. Dropping to my knees, I buried my face between her legs. Her legs trembled as my tongue found the tight little bundle of nerves.
