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“You don’t have any thoughts about that at all?” I asked, still sort of hoping that he’d realize the importance of what she’d said before I had to spell it out for him. “I think she’s falling in love, Cade.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.” He shrugged. “But I feel the same way about her, so… I guess I just don’t see what the problem is?”
I had to remind myself to breathe.
And count to ten.
Andbreathe.
Of course he thought he was in love, too. But I knew from years and years of experience that he most likely hadn’treallythought about it at all.
Love was a big deal. Love was… everything.
CouldI be in love with Janessa? Hell yeah, I could. It would be the easiest thing in the world to fall in love with a girl as perfect as she was.
But it also scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready. And especially since she wantedbothof us… I just didn’t know what to do.
“The problem is that she’s young,” I said. “And I’m not trying to be an asshole, but you don’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to relationships, either.”
“Well, thatisan asshole thing to say.” He gave me a hard look. “But I don’t mind proving myself to her. What about you? You didn’t seem to think she was too young when you were fucking her.”
“I didn’t mean she was too young for a fling,” I said, trying to keep my tone in check. I didn’t want this to turn into a fight, but I could tell we were both on edge now. “I thought I made that pretty clear from the beginning. That’s all I can commit to right now. Even… even if I want more, I don’t think I can.”
“What are you so afraid of?” he asked, his tone softening a little. “For as long as we’ve known each other, I’ve never seen you afraid of anything except…”
“Except love,” I finished. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want to fuck it up. What if she decides it isn’t what she wants after all? What if you decide that? What if I do? Then what happens?” I shook my head. “No, I can’t do it. I won’t.”
“Then you need to tell her,” Cade said. “Soon. If she thinks there’s something more going on, you have to tell her how you really feel.”
“Yeah…”
“No, you don’t.” Janessa’s voice made my heart stop beating as I turned to see her standing in the doorway. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I’ve already heard enough.”
She turned and ran.
Fuck.
Fuck.
By the time I made it to the door of the bunkhouse, she was already halfway across the yard.
“Janessa!” I shouted. “Wait, please!”
“Go.” Cade pushed me out the door. “You need to catch her.Go.”
I started running after her, calling her name every few seconds, but she never turned back around. She ran inside and slammed the door behind her.
Jesus. Why couldn’t I have kept my fucking mouth shut? Why did I have to be such a dumbass? How had I managed to nearly have a fight with my best friend—myonlyfriend—and somehow hurt the only woman I cared about all at the same time?
It took a special talent to fuck things up that badly.
I was so determined to follow her inside that I nearly collided with Justin as he was walking out the back door of his house.
“Boone, what the hell?” The older man grabbed me by the shoulders to keep both of us upright. “I was just coming to find you.”
Great.
Now she’d gone and gotten her uncle involved. He’d probably shoot me in the balls for upsetting his niece. Not that I could really blame him, of course. I was pretty pissed off at myself, too.
