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The girls and I grab our pizzas and move to the kitchen table. On the outside, these women couldn’t look more like polar opposites. Chloe’s hair is purple this week. Her Doc Martens make her tiny feet look huge, boyfriend jeans hide her curves, and a gray t-shirt that says “Shh, No One Cares,” in light pink script, is two sizes too big. She’s Brady’s little sister and a year younger than Sabrina and Nattie, making her the only one of us still in high school. Chloe and Sabrina have been best friends since they were little, and they both got close to Nat after she moved to town last year.
Sabrina is dressed in dark-wash skinny jeans, and a pretty red cashmere sweater with black-and-white polka dot ballet flats. Her dark brown hair is tied up in a bouncy ponytail with a red ribbon tied in a bow around it. Brina is the super-serious one of our little group. She’s a beautiful old soul.
Nattie reminds me the most of me. She’s got her black yoga pants on with an oversized, comfy Kroydon Kings hoodie hanging down to her knees. Tall Ugg boots that lace up the back make her tiny legs look even tinier, and her wild blonde locks are hanging down past her shoulders.
These ladies are my tribe. It took me a while to accept that. I was used to doing things on my own and really struggled with letting them in. But they pushed and shoved until I opened my doors, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
“Okay, ladies. What’s going on in your worlds?” I ask as I grab our drinks.
Chloe licks the grease from her finger before answering, “My mother is still being all Stepford Wife. She’s all over me all the time. I can’t take much more of it. Brady has no idea how lucky he is that he moved out when he did.”
“Suck it up, buttercup. You’ve got the rest of the school year to deal with it.” I pass her a bottle of water. “I know you don’t want to hear it but enjoy the next few months and let her take care of you. Adulting sucks. Don’t rush it.”
The face Chloe gives me reminds me of something I’d see one of my baby ballerinas doing. It’s scrunched up, pissed off, and has her tongue sticking out. “Belles, we’ve gotta get you laid. You need to loosen up.”
“I’ll cheers to that!” Nattie raises her bottle of water like it’s a shot glass, and she and Chloe tap bottles before turning to me. “So, what are you thinking about wearing this weekend?”
“I don’t know. I have a few options to choose from.” I bite my bottom lip, trying to hide my excitement about getting to dress up.
Nattie’s face lights up. “It gonna be like dressing up a life-sized Barbie!”
Maybe I spoke too soon.
After dinner, we all head to my bedroom and get to work. Chloe is lying on my white wrought iron bed. Nat’s sitting at my vanity, and Sabrina’s zipping me up. The first dress they insisted I try on is a bright red, high necked, satin sheath dress. It always made me think of Meghan Markle’s second wedding dress, and I loved it as soon as I saw it in the window at Bergdorf’s a few years ago. I’m not feeling it right now though.
Sabrina ties the ribbon at the back of my neck and looks at me in the mirror in my en suite bathroom. “Well... It’s beautiful, Belles, but I don’t think it’s the right dress for this weekend.”
I meet her eyes through the reflection. “I think you’re right.”
We’re cut off by Nattie banging on the door. “Hello? We want to see it too, ladies!” A distinct clapping sound is added for dramatic effect. “Chop, chop! We don’t have all night.”
Brina and I shake our heads as I lean down to slip on the heels that go with this gown. Swinging the door open dramatically, I walk into my room like I’m walking a catwalk in Milan. I stop at the far corner and strike a pose before turning and facing the girls, who are cheering me on. “You guys are crazy.” Laughing like this always feels damn good though.
Thank God for good friends.
“Damn, girl! That dress is smokin! I’d do you.” Leave it to Chloe to make me blush.
Nattie motions for me to spin again. “Yeah, if I swung that way, I’d give your old ass a try.”
“Natalie! I’m not old, thank you very much. And,” I spin around so I can see my ass in the mirror, “I have a great ass.” I might have tiny little boobs, but they make me appreciate my booty even more.
The laughter from the peanut gallery stops when Sabrina walks out of my closet holding a gown I never got the chance to wear, bringing a tear to my eye as I sink down onto my bed. The girls quickly surround me.
Nat sits down and grabs my hand. “Hey, hey. What’s going on?”
“Wow.” I wipe the tears from my face. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting to have that reaction. Woo.” I wave my hands in front of my face, trying to cool myself down. Lifting my head, I look at Brina and that beautiful dress. “I was supposed to wear that gown to the after-party for the opening night of Giselle.” My voice trembles. “It would have been the night after my parents died.” A flurry of memories assaults my mind. I spent so many months preparing for an opening night I never got to experience. Years of training to dance a principal role.
So many early mornings and late nights spent perfecting every move.
Pushing through the pain from hours spent dancing on a miniscule box of satin and canvas.
Trying to be perfect.
To fly.
Learning to fly took my childhood and accomplishing my dreams took my parents. They would have never been in that car that night if they hadn’t been on their way to the airport.
