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Four hours of pushing later,and I am so fucking grateful I was born a man.
Scarlet’s guttural cry bounces off the walls of the hospital room as her tight grip on my hand threatens to break every one of its bones, her white knuckles a stark contrast to my red fingers. Tears pour down her cheeks as she groans and leans back against the pillow.
By the time we got into the room and first a nurse, then her doctor came in to examine her, we’d missed the window for her to get her epidural, so my warrior is doing this naturally.
Again. So fucking glad I’m not a woman.
She didn’t want anyone else in here with us, so I’m helping her hold one leg up while a nurse holds the other.
I push her hair away from her face and kiss her damp forehead. “You’re doing a great job, duchess.”
“Scarlet,” Dr. Esher looks up from her spot between Scarlet’s legs. “The baby’s heart rate is dropping, and you’re not progressing. We need to do a c-section.”
“No,” she cries. “I can do this.” Her grip on my hand tightens as her lower lip trembles.
The machine to her left starts beeping, and Dr. Esher stands. “It’s no longer an option. We’ve got to go now.” Things move at lightning speed as Dr. Esher starts yelling instructions at the nurse before the door opens and my wife is wheeled out.
I try following, not letting go of Scarlet’s hand, but the nurse stops me.
“Cade...” Scarlet calls out.
“I’m right behind you, duchess.” But I’m not.
“I’m sorry, Mr. St. James, but you can’t go into an emergency surgery. It won’t be long before you get to meet your baby. But you’ve got to go to the waiting room. We’ll be out to get you as soon as we can.” She turns and follows the gurney, leaving me alone in the vacated hospital room.
I pull my blue scrub cap off my head and throw it across the room.
When I push through the double doors to the waiting room a minute later, a horde of Kingstons descend on me, but they let Imogen through with Brynlee in her arms. “Where’s Mommy and my baby sister, Daddy?”
I kiss her head, holding back tears of frustration.
As men, they teach us to be strong.
We can do anything.
Protect anyone.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life.
“Mommy had to go to a room I’m not allowed in, sweetheart. Why don’t you go draw her a picture, okay?” I nod at my sister, who takes Brynlee back over to the chairs as all the Kingstons begin to talk at once.
My sister, Rylie, silences them all with a look, then takes my hand in hers.
“The baby’s heart rate started dropping, and Scarlet wasn’t progressing, so they had to take her back for an emergency c-section. They’ll come and get me once it’s over.” Everyone’s quiet as we sit down in the hard plastic chairs to wait.
The next fifteen minutes are the longest of my life.
I watch every one of them tick by on the clock mounted on the wall, praying my family will be alright. That we didn’t come all this way after all these years for something to happen now.
Scarlet would yell at me for even thinking that.
I can hear her now.
“I’m Scarlet fucking Kingston. I’ve got this.”
I sit with my heart in my throat, feeling smaller and more insignificant than ever before. Wanting to be in that room with Scarlet. Wishing I could be the one doing this for my wife. Thinking of all the things that could go wrong while I pray for everything to go right.
When the nurse from earlier walks through the swinging doors, I jump to my feet.
