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Never.
But Cooper was right about one thing, and shame on me for not realizing it now.
I should have fought harder for him. For us. My heart cracks when I realize I gave up on us so easily. I thought I knew what was best. I didn’t. It only took one moment of thinking I’d lost him forever for me to accept what I already knew deep down. I fucked up, and now I need to fix it.
Even if it’s the last thing I do.
Once I get back to the waiting room, I take a seat in the far corner and pull up the photo app on my phone. This has been my favorite form of self-torture for a few weeks, but it feels different now. I’m not longing for what could have been, like I’ve been doing. Now I’m looking at the images of us, determined to figure out how to repair what I’ve broken.
After a few minutes, I switch over to my text messages and open my chat with Jessie.
Carys:Are you coming to Germany?
Jessie:No. Ford told me to stay put. How are you doing? How’s Cooper?
Carys:Cooper’s pretty banged up. Coach is with him now. I’ll be okay once I know more.
Jessie:Can I do anything?
Carys:Do you have a time machine? Because he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
Jessie:I don’t believe that.
Carys:He sent me away, Jess. He didn’t even want me in the room.
Jessie:Don’t give up. Our men have to believe they’re invincible. It’s part of their DNA. They don’t do well with being reminded they’re human and break like the rest of us. He’ll come around.
Carys:I hope you’re right. How’s Emerson?
Jessie:She’s refusing to get out of bed. But I’ve got her. You take care of our guys, and I’ll take care of our girl.
Carys:Love you, Jess.
Jessie:Love you too, Carys.
I stare at my screensaver. It’s a picture of Coop and me from New Year’s Eve. A selfie I took as we huddled under the blankets while the fireworks over the ocean lit up the night. I’m looking at the camera, but Coop... Coop’s looking at me. His blue eyes are filled with nothing but love. Such a far stretch from the hate I saw in them today.
It might not be easy, but I know I can fix this.
It’s a good thing I’ve never been scared of hard work.
* * *
I must have fallen asleep because I’m startled awake and nearly scream in Coach’s face as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest. “Oh my God. You scared me, Coach.”
“Sorry, kiddo.” He offers me his hand and pulls me to my feet. “Come on. Let’s go get checked in at the hotel.”
“How is he, Coach?” My voice trembles a little, even though I try to maintain the control I’ve been fighting for.
Coach looks back in the direction he came from, hesitating. “He’s tired. But he’s going to be okay.” I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince himself or me as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me toward the door. “They were taking him down for an MRI when I was leaving. I’ll come back later tonight to check on him.”
Another fissure rips through my heart.
He’ll be coming back alone.
I shouldn’t be surprised, but the anguish I feel at the reality nearly takes me to my knees.
Cooper doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t forgive me.
