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‘You may go,’ he said, and when she still didn’t move he snapped,‘Now.’
Shocked and hurt by that curt dismissal, Lily lashed out. ‘To think I actually felt sorry for you because you keep your brother’s things close by. But I’ll save my sympathy for Aisha. She deserves it.’ She grabbed the crutch and hobbled round the desk. Her ankle throbbed, but she just wanted to get out of there. ‘How do you live with yourself?’ she demanded. ‘Don’t you feel any guilt at all?’
There was a flash of movement by the window and she felt a new tension in the room, as if the air had become electrified. He moved towards her, halting so close she had to tip her head back to meet his glittering gaze.
‘You dare speak to me of guilt?’ All the shadows in the room seemed to coalesce around him. ‘It’s burned into my soul. It curses my very existence. But I keep Faisal’s things close by in case I’m ever tempted to forget.’
‘Because you survived and he didn’t?’ Lily whispered.
His beautiful mouth twisted into a cruel sneer. ‘Oh, every damn psychologist my mother dragged me to said precisely that. They thought they knew the story. You all do,’ he said bitterly.
‘Your brother lost control of a dune buggy and there was an accident...’
‘Ah, yes, that accident. Caused by my poorrecklessbrother. Everyone was so ready to blame him.’ He grasped her shoulders, dragging her closer. ‘But shall I tell you what really happened that day?’
When he closed his eyes he could still see it. At the base of the dune the wheels of the upturned buggy spinning wildly and Faisal, his head at a sickening angle, lying motionless in the sand.
He never had been able to remember how he’d got down that slope. Days of dull pain in his left flank suggested that he’d pitched headlong at some point, but all he knew was that one minute he was at the top of the ridge and the next he was on his knees in the sand, staring into his brother’s lifeless eyes.
How long had he knelt there, his mouth open in a yawning cavern of grief? Minutes? Hours? A lifetime of agony had been compressed into those moments.
At some point arms had enveloped him. Gently urged him to his feet. Turned him away from that broken body and held him.
His father. Comforting his only surviving son. An embrace he almost hadn’t been able to bear, because in it had been the forgiveness he could never deserve.
‘Faisal always won,’ he told Lily. ‘Whatever we did, he always won. It drove me crazy, and for once I wanted to prove I was better. If I’d known how sheer the drop was on the other side of that dune I would never have done it. But I pushed and I pushed, and I drove him too close to the edge. My father knew. I heard him say the words to Rais. It was to stay between the three of us. It was an accident. We’d say Faisal had been driving too fast. But it was a lie. A terrible lie. My brother wasn’t reckless. He was fearless. Because of me, even that distinction was stolen from him. All this—’ he threw a contemptuous glance around them ‘—is a sham. It should have been his. I stole his birthright and I didn’t even have the guts to make my father tell the truth.’
He saw her gaze flicker through the room. Finally she was understanding the starkness of it. There was nothing that spoke of his status. It wasn’t his to make his own.
‘Every day I work to ease my father’s burden. It’s the only thing I can do. I know his grief for Faisal burns sharp in him and he never stops feeling his loss. But still I see him watching me, willing me to forgive myself. He doesn’t know the torture that is. He’s trying to pour life back into me when it’s too late. I’m already dead inside.’
Lily gave a strange gasping sob.
Yes, here it comes, he thought in bitter triumph.The revulsion, the loathing, the innocence dying in her gaze as she looks at me.
Even though it struck at him like daggers, he embraced the pain of it, determined to drive home every last word, so she truly understood what kind of worthless creature stood before her.
He bared his teeth in a snarl. ‘I killed him, Lily. I killed my brother. And guilt is the only thing I feel any more.’
Lily stared into his eyes and saw such torment in their depths she knew she was staring right into the dark and damaged soul of the Sad Prince.
Perhaps he’d meant to frighten or repulse her with his confession, but after glimpsing the despair behind the ice-cold facade she felt only the most profound compassion.
‘Oh, Khaled,’ she said softly. ‘All these years... What a terrible burden you’ve had to bear. But you loved your brother. You didn’t mean to hurt him. You don’t deserve to be so unhappy.’
He gave a bark of ugly laughter. ‘I deserve nothing less than the torment I’ve suffered every day since.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Her hands unfurled and she pressed their warmth against his chest. His brow creased, his gaze dropping to where her fingers splayed across his shirt. ‘It’s time to forgive yourself. It’s time you had peace,’ she said.
His gaze flew back to hers and a violent shudder went through him. His fingers tightened, digging into her soft flesh. ‘Lily, you’ve no concept of all the things I may not have.’
Then his mouth crashed down on hers.
The kiss was wild, not gentle. But she kissed him back, though her lips felt bruised and his grip on her shoulders was only just not painful.
He gave a low, agonised groan and crushed her hard against him. The crutch clattered to the floor as he lifted her from her feet. He carried her to the desk and laid her on it. Papers were scattered. His laptop landed on its side in the chair. The precious photo toppled.
Lily hardly noticed. Their kiss this afternoon had been nothing compared to this. That had been a summer breeze. This was a firestorm of need, obliterating her awareness of anything other than the heat and weight of him stretching over her.
