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“If it was for a church bake sale or to raise money for missionaries, then Mom would give it a try, though usually she just bought something to donate. She was never very domestic when it came to cooking.” His mother had been more of a menace than a master in the kitchen. “She was always busy doing other things. When the church needed her to lead a prayer circle or to stand in during Bible study, she was there before the minister even knew he needed her. But when I fell and broke my arm at school, it took hours for the school nurse to track her down.” Rafe didn’t have happy memories of cookies and baking. “What else did Russell do?”
“I think we’ve heard enough embarrassing stories about me as a kid,” Russell pronounced.
Elliott set down his fork and turned to Rafe. “Did you always want to be a rodeo cowboy? I watched you win the world championships. That was one amazing ride.”
“I used to watch rodeo all the time when I was a kid. Mom hated it, but Dad liked it, and he used to let me watch on the sly when Mom wasn’t home. I’d been around horses at Uncle Mack’s, of course, but I never dreamed I’d be able to compete. All that changed when, well… my life changed.” He took a few bites and wondered why everything seemed to come back to that one point in time. Even a conversation about his big toe could somehow wind its way around to the moment his parents had turned their backs on him when they found out who he was. It had been years ago. In a few years, it would be half his life ago, and yet everything still seemed to revolve around it. “Anyway…. Dinner is amazing, Violet.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly, almost drawing into herself, as if she had just become aware of what she’d done in joining them for dinner. Rafe watched the others as they continued eating, but Violet seemed to grow more uncomfortable.
“You know you’ve always been part of this family,” Elliott said, seeming to sense her discomfort.
“I know you think so, and I’m grateful for it, I really am.” She set down her fork. “But you know my niece, the one who went back east? Well, she’s asked me to come live with her because she needs help.”
“I know that Coreen was having difficulty getting around. Is her leg giving her problems?”
“Yes, and she’s afraid she won’t be able to manage alone in her apartment. I really don’t want to leave, but she’s the only family I have. Her firm is going through some issues right now as well, so, she’s worried about almost everything. It’s a lot for someone to handle on her own.”
Russell set down his fork. “She’s a CPA, right?”
Violet nodded. “Top of her class in business school.”
“Then ask her to call me. The person who heads up my accounting department is leaving, and I was about to advertise for someone to replace her. Coreen sounds like she might just be the answer to my problem. If she’s interested, she can either telecommute or move out here to be closer to you.” He drank from his glass of water, then went back to eating. Rafe, on the other hand, simply took in what had just happened and stored it away.
Once dinner was done, Violet cleared the table, and Elliott headed outside, probably to the barn. Rafe joined Russell in the great room in front of the fireplace. “Just wondering…. Did you offer Coreen a job just to keep Violet?”
“No. Violet is a member of the family, and she would be hard to replace. But if that was what she wanted to do, I’d hug her and wish her well. Coreen is exactly the type of person I need, and if I can help both of them as well as myself….” He shrugged. “I try to run my company the way we run the ranch. I pay well, but I try to make sure that anyone who works with me fits into the company and that we fit into their lives too. I employ people all over the country. And I have a small office in town that you’d pass by a dozen times before you realized it was even there. Some folks work all night and sleep during the day. One woman’s husband is an ER doctor, so she works the same schedules he does so they can be together. If we can help Coreen and she can help us, then that’s what we’ll do.” He put his feet up on the ottoman to get comfortable. “Violet is family, and that’s what family does.”
Not my family.Rafe kept his feelings to himself. He didn’t need to go back there again. Still, it was nice to see a family who actually cared about each other. “You have a strong sense of what’s right and wrong.”
“Don’t you?” Russell asked.
Rafe got the impression that this question was a test of sorts, and he wondered how he should answer. If he was honest, then it was possible that Russell wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him. But he’d never been any other way.
“I believe in honesty, in doing the right thing. But the kind of ideals that you have? I’ve never been able to afford those.” He set his glass on the table and stared into the flames. “You know that I was turned away by my family. I had nothing other than what I had in a bag I could carry and the few dollars that I had saved so I could afford to put gas in my car. That was it. Everything else was taken away.”
“And you found the rodeo,” Russell supplied in his easygoing way, as though he had the answers and was content in them.
Rafe swallowed and nodded. “After about six months. Up until then, I worked a few odd jobs. When you’re hungry and cold, you’ll work hard to survive.” And Rafe had done just that. He’d made it through and eventually found the rodeo, which had saved his life in many ways, including giving him a job.
“Your parents left you that desperate? How could they?” Russell asked. “What kind of fucking people were they?”
When Rafe turned back to look at Russell, he saw fire in those usually calm blue eyes. “Ones who wanted me to bend to their will. I hadn’t guessed before then that their love was conditional on me being exactly what they expected. Anything different wasn’t tolerated. And like everyone else I ran into before joining the rodeo, they had a price for their affections.”
“My God… I…,” Russell stammered. “I know that a lot of gay kids have family issues, and I was lucky—I know that. But I never dreamed that anyone would have to do… what you did to survive.”
“And I was luckier than most. I worked the jobs that I could and found the rodeo before I got in too deep and it cost me my health and what little self-respect I had left. I got even luckier in that I was good at riding and soon started to win. Then there was money coming in, and I was able to build a life that didn’t include back rooms and the stuff that came with it.” He couldn’t believe he’d told Russell all of this. Rafe had spent more than the past decade trying to forget all about it. But he was proud of the fact that he’d not only survived, but thrived. He had built a new life for himself, one that didn’t require his parents’ approval or support. In fact, they were the ones coming tohimnow.
“I don’t know if I’d call that luck. But you were resourceful and damned strong. I don’t know if I could have done what you did. My life has been damn near perfect compared to yours. I had everything I could ever want. Hell, Dad even bought me my first pony when I was five years old.”
“My mother bought me puzzles based on Bible stories.”
“I had my own boots and hat, and Dad taught me to ride almost as soon as I could walk,” Russell said.
Rafe nodded. “I was lucky to have Uncle Mack. I first learned to ride when I visited him. But when Mom learned that he was gay, those visits stopped. After that, I only got to hang around horses when I hung out with my friend Archie. His mom and mine were friends of a sort. I’d go over there when Mom was busy. She wasn’t a church lady like my mother, but they got along… even if Mom thought she was a heathen.” He smiled. “All I can say is, thank God for heathens.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Russell raised his glass, and Rafe did the same, clinking them.
“Here’s to the worst toast in history.”
