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“Anyway, I thought you might want to see them,” she says. “Maybe they’ll help jog your memory. And no, there isn’t a mirror in there because it’s against protocol for patients to have glass. But even if that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t do that to you after the incident in the bathroom.”
Another episode that involved me screaming and cowering in a corner until the staff hauled me out of there. If I could’ve broken the steel mirrors, I would’ve. Even if it meant slamming myself against them until I passed out.
“Thanks.”
I don’t reach for the bag. Lorina frowns when I place the card down with a snap, signaling the end of our conversation. Reacquainting myself with my possessions is not something I want to do in front of an audience. I might not feel anything. But what if I do?
“Well, I’d better get back to work,” she says, her voice threaded with resignation.
I nod.
“You have another twenty minutes, Ally.”
“What are you doing, Mrs. Brown?”
Lorina and I jerk towards the sound of Dr. Gunner’s voice. The lead physician of the facility stands on the other side of the table, the windows of the day room directly behind him, causing the sunlight to temporarily blind me.
I blink away the dots in my vision while Lorina gets to her feet. “I was checking on Adelaide, sir,” she says.
He crosses his arms, and the movement causes the edges of his white coat to flutter, as if they’re nervous by his presence. Most people are.
Except me, of course.
I’m a murderer, so he should be wary ofme, not the other way around.
“You know better than to engage the patients in an unprofessional manner.” The doctor flicks his cold gaze to me, looking down his nose. I return his stare with a scowl. “You’re not here to be their friend, Mrs. Brown. If you can’t draw the lines between casual and professional, then maybe you should consider updating your resume.”
The blood in his veins rushes with wicked delight, while Lorina pales and her heart stutters within her ribcage. The perverse pleasure Dr. Gunner receives from the nurse’s reaction to his threat makes my pulse quicken. I will it to slow down, and like an obedient child, it calms.
Or maybe my imagination is strong enough to control my body, affording me the control I desperately seek out since I have none. I suppose Ihavebeen listening to Dinah more than I realized.
I break the heavy silence by gathering and then shuffling the deck of cards. The noise is obnoxious in the quiet, and it draws the doctor’s attention. The cards leave my hands with an efficiency that showcases how many times I’ve sat in this room.
Once I have the King of Hearts in hand, I turn the card toward the man. “The suicide king,” I say, taking on a bored tone. “Do you ever think that his death wasmadeto look like a suicide? Maybe someone didn’t like his lofty attitude and decided to take justice into their own hands. I know I have. At least once.”
I place the card on the table with a firm snap, and the doctor’s eyes widen infinitesimally as my threat registers. “Just because someone is in a place of authority doesn’t mean they should abuse the power they have," I say. With my gaze locked on his, I continue, lowering my voice to just above a whisper. “I wouldn’t mess with karma. That bitch will fuck you in the ass right before killing you.”
Dr. Gunner takes a step back, working his throat as he swallows. “Mrs. Brown, see to it that the patients return to their rooms. That will be all.”
He spins on his heel, white coat flapping behind him like a pair of wings, and walks away. Lorina turns to me, eyes wide, and I shrug.
“Serves him right,” I say.
The nurse shakes her head in disbelief. “You are cr—” She slaps a hand on her mouth. “You’ve got nerve.”
“I know I’m crazy,” I say. “It’s all right for you to say it. I’m in a mental institution, for fuck’s sake.”
“That’s exactlywhyit’s not okay to say the word.” Lorina drops her arm to place a hand on her hip. She stares at me until I meet her gaze. Once I do, it softens. “Thank you,” she says. “I can’t afford to lose this job.”
“If Doctor dickhead knows what’s best, he’ll leave you alone. It’s not as though you were hurting anyone.”
She looks over her shoulder in the direction of the door Dr. Gunner disappeared through. “That may be, but he’s right about me keeping the professional lines in place.” She grins down at me. “Only that doesn’t apply to you because we’re friends.”
I drop my gaze as a warmth in my chest ignites, becoming unbearable. She has no idea the gift she’s given me with that statement. It’s far better than whatever items sit next to me in that bag. “Now who’s crazy?” I mumble.
Lorina chuckles. “I think everyone is, even if it’s only a little. You have five more minutes before I round everyone up.”
“Okay.”
