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CHAPTER2
ADELAIDE
“How are you doing, Ally?”
I stifle a groan. Considering the incident with the shrink earlier, I looked forward to being alone. Solitude, one of the few perks of being in a mental facility.
After laying down my playing cards, I tilt my head to look at the nurse dressed in a white crisp uniform. The scrubs look comfortable but do little to compliment her figure. She’s a young woman with long legs, blonde hair, and eyes that are a stunning shade of blue. Our coloring and features are so similar, Lorina could be a relative of mine.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Her brows snap together. “That’s not what I heard.”
She does a quick assessment of the room before turning back to me. I don’t blame her for being alert. It’s her job, and there are other patients mulling about. Lost in a world of their own, most of them are harmless.
I am anything but.
I pick up the deck of playing cards and shuffle it. As much as I hoped she wouldn’t mention my “mental break” during my session, the staff at Green Oaks Mental Health aren’t neglectful.Notone of the perks to being here.
Lorina’s gaze darts around the day room once again before she pulls out the chair next to me and sits. The lead doctor prefers that the staff not get too involved with the patients, but she has always taken the time to chat with me here and there.
It’s one of the few times I feel normal.
“What happened?” Her voice is a whisper. “Did Dr. Hall say something that upset you?”
I look her in the eyes. “No. It’s not a big deal, Lorie.”
“Itisa big deal.”
She leans closer, and the blood underneath the skin of her cheeks rises into a flush. I tear my gaze away from the enticing sight, but it doesn’t stop the sound of her pulse from ringing in my ears. Her forearm next to mine on the tabletop only adds to my discomfort.
I’m not attracted to Lorina, but to what flows with every beat of her heart.
“You haven’t had an episode like that in a long time. I wanted to make sure that you’re okay,” she says.
“I’ll never be okay. Not in the way you mean.”
How do I tell her that I’m certain I killed someone? That the guilt is missing, yet my rage is not? It doesn’t matter that the crime lab couldn’t trace the blood found on my clothing back to anyone. It doesn’t matter that I confessed.
Nothing matters.
I’m a risk to everyone. At least here, they have security measures in place for it. I don’t want to hurt anyone that’s innocent. Justice isn’t justice if it isn’t warranted.
I may not remember his identity, but I know in my soul the person I killed deserved to die.
“Stop worrying about me,” I say. I deal the cards, setting up a game of Solitaire. “It’s not worth the effort.”
Lorina sighs, the sound full of frustration and defeat. It’s the same way Dinah is after my weekly sessions with her. I’ve grown used to the disappointment I bring out in others.
It’s easier for them to expect nothing than it is to expect more than I’m willing to give.
“Here.” The nurse sets a tiny velvet bag on the table none too gently. “I brought this to see if anything inside will help you.”
I pause, my hands suspended in the air with a two of spades between my fingers. “How so?”
She shrugs. “It’s a small collection of items that were in your pocket before you came here.”
The time when I was found in a deserted alley clutching a battle ax to my chest, covered in someone else’s blood while mumbling nonsensical words.
