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Realizing the accusation I just made, I wait for people to start turning around and staring at me in shock. No one moves, all eyes are lifted to the sky as lanterns continue to be released. Floating to heaven. To Sam. With messages of love on them. For her and only her. From the people whose lives she touched in her short time on this Earth.
“As the last lantern flies tonight, close your eyes and focus on your favorite memory of Sam. Something that made you laugh. A time when she made you feel special or brought a smile to your face. That’s the kind of person she was and that’s the way we should remember her. Saying good-bye is never easy but that’s what we’re doing tonight. Sending Sam off with love in our hearts and holding on to the memories we made with her. Together, we are healing our broken souls.”
Turning the microphone off, I drop it to the ground and bend to retrieve my lantern, Jay releasing his hold on me for the first time since arriving. I immediately feel the loss, my heart aching for him to pull me close again.
When did I become so clingy?
As soon as Jay’s lantern is lit and flying skyward, he turns to light mine, but I shake my head. Looking to the crowd, I wait until the last lantern is released. When the fire in mine is burning brightly, I give it a nudge toward the heavens and say a silent prayer.
I promise I will find who did this to you if it’s the last thing I do. We won’t stop until we have answers, and someone is held accountable. I love you, Sam. I always have and I always will.
Blinking, I feel the first tear fall as I finish my prayer.
Please forgive my heart for loving him. I never meant to hurt you, in life or in death.
My tears continue to fall as I watch the lights of the lanterns illuminate the night sky, the sun having fallen beyond the horizon now. They drift higher and higher until they’re out of sight. All except one. One that’s lingering lower than the rest.
Mine.
Of course.
Please forgive me, I beg Sam, clasping my hands together over my mouth as I speak.
As if Sam was listening, a light breeze rustles my hair, and my lantern disappears from sight.
“Thank you all again for coming tonight. We hope you’ll join us bright and early for the race and stick around for the dedication afterwards.” The dean’s voice carries across the open field as people start to make their way back toward the parking lot.
Mia and Spencer head in our direction, navigating their way through the crowd, as Jay leans down and whispers in my ear.
“Are we telling people or is this our little secret?” Running the back of his hand down my arm, his fingers tease mine.
“Are we telling them what? That we screwed each other’s brains out? I don’t think that would be appropriate, do you?”
A deep rumble bursts from Jay’s chest as Spencer and Mia reach us. Spencer looks between us, his head bobbing back and forth, waiting for one of us to explain what’s so funny.
“So …” Mia starts, staring at me expectantly.
“I need a drink,” I state firmly, stepping away from my circle of friends and falling in with the last of the crowd.
“Riley’s?” Mia asks, sliding up next to me and linking our arms.
“Unless there’s a new bar in town,” I retort.
Riley’s was always busy because there was only one watering hole in a town this size. If you wanted to go out and let loose, Riley’s was your destination of choice. Unless you wanted to deal with neighboring townies. Not that there was bad blood, we just knew to stick to our own city limits.
Plus, we walked to Riley’s so we didn’t do something stupid like get wasted and try and drive home later. My apartment was fifteen minutes straight down Main Street. So if I didn’t work Monday nights, I’d go in for three-dollar margaritas. Or if I wasn’t scheduled on a random Friday night, you would find me being pulled up on stage to sing karaoke by Sam.
Thursday’s were my favorite’s though. It was college night. We sold mixed drinks by the pitcher and wasted college students tipped better than anyone. We limited them to two pitchers of their drink of choice and then cut them off. Their bills were no more than twelve dollars and they’d hand you a twenty and tell you to keep the change. Multiply that by forty college students each and it made for happy waitresses.
“Nope,” Mia replies, popping the p for emphasis. “You know nothing ever changes around here.”
We walk in silence across campus and toward the local watering hole. Spence and Jay are a few paces behind us, deep in hushed conversation. Every time I look over my shoulder to make sure they’re still following us, Jay’s eyes meet mine and his smile grows. As if to say,I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry.
The second I step across the threshold, my eyes falling immediately to the dirty concrete beneath my feet, memories assault me. If Jay hadn’t been behind me, I may have fallen on my ass from the force I felt pressed against my chest.
My heartbeat increases the farther we make our way into the bar. A clear image of Sam leaning over the bar, her ass in the air as her feet dangled above the ground flashes through my mind. My twenty-second birthday, the week after school started. All my friends singing to me over the country music playing in the background as Sam brought out a piece of peanut butter cheesecake, my favorite, with as many candles as the little piece could handle sticking out of it.
Seventeen was the magic number. She claimed she counted eighteen but I’m fairly certain one fell off at some point.
