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Chapter Eighteen
Jay’s wordsare a lot to process. The fact that he feels the same way I do has my heart wanting to do a little dance and hide at the same time. It’s scary, knowing the one person in the world you want to be with, the one person you’ve always wanted to be with, wants to be with you, too.
It’s like winning the lottery.
Overwhelming. Exciting.
There’s a giant check with a bunch of zeros. A million things run through your mind. What you’ll do with the money. How different your life will be now.
Then realization smacks you in the face.
You can’t cash that check, it’s just for show.
The money … it’s real but it’s dangerous.
That new life you’re envisioning, do you really deserve it?
Doubt has worked its way into my mind, and in true Andrea fashion, I do what I do best.
I change the subject.
“I think we have it,” I state, buttoning my pants, turning away, and beginning to refold and pack my suitcase. “The profile is as strong as it can get. We know who he is, and hopefully after I deliver it tomorrow, we’ll know his name as well.”
The bed creaks and a shiver runs up my spine as he approaches. My body tenses when he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back against his firm chest.
“Do you remember the time it snowed?”
I nod my head but remain silent.
“I was walking across campus and flakes started falling from the sky. I remember thinking how amazing it was. It was the first and only time it snowed in the four years I’d been here. It wasn’t even that cold out. The snow hit the ground and melted on contact.”
I remember that day. School had only been back in session for a week and I was already stressed about graduation. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen snow in my life, but you would think it was by how I reacted. I was in awe as Sam and I exited the student center. She threw her bag to the ground and started spinning around in a circle, tongue hanging out, attempting to catch the tiny flakes. While it excited her, it calmed me.
“As beautiful as the snow was, do you know what was even more striking? You,” he says, not bothering to wait for me to answer. “Sam was spinning around, laughing, but you were just standing there. Arms stretched out wide, face to the sky. You looked like an angel in your puffy white coat, the sun spotlighting you. There was a look of pure content on your face. Peace. I fell in love with you a little more that day.”
Shaking away the memory, I attempt to pull out of his embrace, but he only tightens his hold.
“Are you coming with me tomorrow when I give the profile?” I ask.
“Then there was the time Sam and Mia dragged you on stage for karaoke. I could tell you were nervous. You were biting your bottom lip, sucking it between your teeth and fidgeting with your hair. When the song started it was like your confidence exploded on the stage. The three of you started shaking it to Taylor Swift and all your worries seemed to fade away. It was a side of you I’d rarely seen, and I fell a little more that night.”
That night feels like it was a lifetime ago. It was the end of summer. I was about to start my final year of college, and Sam was hellbent on getting me up on stage. I tried to reason with her, considering my singing voice was atrocious, but she wasn’t taking no for an answer. She never did.
I had no idea Jay was there that night.
Not that it would have mattered at the time. It was either get on stage or listen to Sam bitch for two weeks. Shaking my ass won out, and I pulled Mia up there to take some of the attention away from me.
When I don’t comment, Jay continues down memory lane, “The night you and Sam broke the ping pong table the first time I almost lost it. I was angry with her for getting so drunk, but I was also concerned she was taking you down with her. And I blamed myself. When you two almost fell, I freaked out. Had Spencer not pulled me aside and calmed me down, I would have lost my shit in front of everyone. There would have been no denying how I felt after that.
“But it was New Year’s Eve when I finally decided to stop hiding from the way I felt about you. You walked in my apartment in that little black dress. It sparkled in the light, hugged your body in all the right places. The dip in the back had my hands itching to touch you. You looked so sexy I had a wicked hard-on all night. I kept adjusting the front of my pants, thinking someone would notice. But you seemed oblivious. You barely glanced in my direction. It was like you didn’t even see me.”
“I saw you. You were wearing black jeans and a gray Henley. You hung out in the kitchen by the keg most of the night, watching the beer pong tournament.”
“You kept your back to me, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off your ass every time you bent forward to take your shot. When Spence and I played you and Sam, it was hard to concentrate because I kept imagining what you looked like under your dress. I knew you weren’t wearing a bra, but I wanted to know if your panties matched your dress. Were they black? Would they sparkle in the light?”
His voice fades away as I replay that night in my mind. Sam and I kicking ass at beer pong. Her getting so drunk she passed out early. Spencer and Mia saying good-bye before the ball dropped, leaving me and Jay alone with only a handful of people that hadn’t passed out.
The words Spencer whispered in my ear as he held me tight, wishing me a happy new year.
