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Chapter Twenty-Three
“I’m right hereif you want me to open it with you,” Jay offers, sliding into the seat next to me.
“Why was this in her apron? Graduation was a month away.”
“There was one in there for me, too.” My head whips in his direction at his confession. “Which is why I think you should open yours. If it says what I think it says, you’ll feel better after reading what she wrote. I promise.”
After a few deep breaths, I reach for the envelope, turning it over in my hands a few times before lifting the flap. Jay’s chair scrapes against the floor as he pushes away from the table. I place my hand on his leg as he stands, and when he looks down at me and our eyes meet, he reads the message my heart is sending him.
Sitting back down, he scoots his chair closer, wraps his arm around my shoulders, and pulls me close. Leaning my head against his chest, I pull the card from the confines of the once bright yellow envelope. It’s a standard congratulations card for a college graduate. A mortarboard and tassel are on the front, the word ‘Congratulations’ in colorful letters across the top of the card.
As I open it, my eyes forgo the card’s print and instead focus on Sam’s handwriting.
Andi,
You are the greatest friend a girl could ask for and I’m proud to call you my bestie. I know you’re leaving me and starting the next chapter of your life, but I think there’s something I need to confess before you go.
I’m a horribly selfish friend. I should have been honest with you the second I realized the truth. Instead, I let the sting of pain consume me. If I was miserable, everyone needed to be. But that ends now. None of this is your fault, or Jay’s. It’s mine. For holding on to him when it was obvious I needed to let him go. For keeping you two apart when we all know you were meant to be together.
I love you both and all I want is for you to be happy.
If you love him, the way I think you do, the way I know he loves you, know that the next move is yours. Be together. Be happy. Start the next chapter of your life with him. Don’t run away from how you feel the way you’ve been doing all these years. You deserve this.
One day I can only hope to find the kind of love that I see you two have for one another.
Your best friend, forever and always, no matter what …
Sam
Tears are freely streaming down my face as I close the card, pulling it to my chest and hugging it tight.
“She knew,” I whisper.
“I know.” Jay runs his hand up and down my back as the tears continue to fall.
“She never said a word. She could have thrown it in our faces. Called us out, but she didn’t. Why? Why did she stand back and watch in silence? Why didn’t she confront us?”
“I have no idea, but if I had to guess, she was probably trying to figure that out for herself.”
“How long do you think?”
“How long what?” he asks as I sit up so I can assess his reaction.
“When did she figure it out? Weeks before this? Months? Years?”
My mind frantically tries to recall any indication of Sam knowing. Of her questioning the situation. All I can think about is the summer before senior year. All the trips she planned and tried to back out of, urging us to go without her.
“My best guess would be she was suspicious from the start, but New Year’s Eve could have been when she confirmed her suspicions. After you left, I couldn’t go to bed. I was wired, I wanted to chase after you. Kiss you again. Make you see that we were meant for each other. When I finally went upstairs, Sam was wide awake. She was just sitting there, knees pulled to her chest, crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she just shook her head and cried harder.
“If she saw us kiss, she never said anything. After that, we both pulled away from her, from each other. Then she was gone. Life is a bit blurry after that, but the one thing I do remember is the expression on her face the night before I left for vacation. It always felt like she was saying good-bye to me. I brushed it off as a figment of my imagination because she died, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. She wrote these while we were gone.”
“What did yours say?” I ask, sliding my card back into the envelope and flipping it over so I can stare at the little heart again.
“The same thing yours did basically. That she loved me but wanted me to be happy. She knew I was in love with you and made me promise to be good to you, to take care of you, to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
Memories of the morning I left for spring break flash through my mind. The look of devastation on Sam’s face. I always assumed she was sad because she was going to be alone for the week. Now I can see the hurt in her eyes. The pain in her stare. The concern in her voice as it shook while pleading with me.
She wanted time alone with me before she dropped her knowledge bomb. Time without Jay around. Time where it was just the two of us. Best friends hanging out.
