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Finn
I couldn’t stopmyself from seeing her one last time before I left. From checking on her. Kissing her. My heart was aching for just one more glance, one more touch. Because I can’t protect her from what’s happening right now, but I can help her heal.
Despite what Max thinks.
She needs me and I need her.
As soon as I heard Max’s car pull out of the driveway, I darted up the stairs toward her room. Tammy watched me go with an amused smile on her face, the first genuine smile I’d see from her all day. She’d put up a good front during the wake, but her smile never reached her eyes, and I can’t imagine it will anytime soon. She lost the love of her life, the father of her children, her husband of more than twenty years.
Watching Tammy is what made me realize how short life really is. We have today but tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Why am I waiting to tell Willow how I feel? What’s the point in denying either of us a life of happiness together when we don’t know how much longer we have left on this earth?
There isn’t one.
That’s why I laid my heart on the line with her. I told her everything I’ve wanted to say for years.
I love her. Always have. Always will.
I intend to marry this girl one day. To officially make her mine. To have kids and grow old together.
This isn’t a new revelation. I’ve felt this way for years, but I’ve been too afraid of ruining our friendship to act. But what we have goes way beyond friendship.
The wordsI love youwere on the tip of my tongue, but the expression on her face said she wasn’t ready to hear them yet. I bared my soul to her. She was still in shock from losing her father, and what I added shook her world up even more. So, I bit my tongue and left her there to think about what I said before I couldn’t stop myself from saying more.
And as I laid in bed last night, I replayed every moment I’ve spent with Willow since realizing I loved her. From summers in her parents’ pool in high school to parties on campus. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t over the moon for her. That my heart didn’t beat for hers. That I wouldn’t have done anything to make her smile.
Which is what I’m contemplating telling Max right now as he stares me down, waiting for me to answer him.
“Just tell me the truth. Is there something going on between you and Willow?”
He’s barely holding his anger in. His hands are fisted at his sides, and his eyes burning into mine. I want to tell him everything, lay it all out on the table. He’s my best friend, LT’s his sister. He deserves to know.
I hold back for two reasons.
1. I have no idea how Willow wants to handle this.
2. I don’t honestly know what’s going on between us yet. She needs time and I’m giving her that.
“It’s not what you think, for starters.” That might be a lie. I have no idea what hethinksis going on but still I maintain eye contact. I need him to see that I’m not backing down, that I’m willing to fight for her even if it means fighting him. “You know I love Lo, that I’ll always protect her. She’s hurting right now, and I just want to be there for her. She needs someone who’s not going through the same heartache to lean on.”
“That’s why she has Kendall,” he practically spits.
I want to laugh in his face. He can’t stand that girl. For no other reason than she doesn’t bite her tongue around him like most other people. And now he wants to use her as an excuse to keep me away from LT? Not gonna happen.
“And she has me. I know you don’t like it; I know you told me to leave her alone, but I won’t do it. I won’t abandon her. And do you know why?”
“Enlighten me,” he goads, his voice angrier than I’ve ever heard him.
“Because if the situation were reversed and something happened to my dad, you’d do the same for me. You’d help me even when I tried to push you away. You’d make sure my brothers were okay. My mom. Because we’re family, man. You don’t give up on family. You don’t let them mourn alone.”
He averts his eyes from mine, and I know I’ve finally gotten through to him. And what I said wasn’t a lie, aside from omitting a few key details. Max’s shoulders sag as he rests back against the leather couch in our loft. I can tell he’s struggling but he isn’t the kind of guy who wants to talk about his feelings. When he’s ready, when he wants to get it off his chest, he’ll come to me. Until then, I need to give him space to figure out what he feels.
“I can’t watch her cry,” he finally says as he stares at the ceiling. “It breaks me every time. Evie and my mom have been nothing but tears … but Willow, she’s strong. So, when she cries it breaks me all over again. She’s holding it together better than the rest of us.”
“No, she’s not. She’s bottling it up.”
“I won’t stop you from being her shoulder to cry on, but if I find out it’s more than that, that you’re lying to me …”
I want to laugh but I can hear the anguish in his voice. He’s broken and the last thing he needs right now is a reason to be even more pissed off at the world.
So, I’ll keep this a secret from him until he can handle it. It’ll be the first time in my life I haven’t been completely honest with Max. In the end, I hope he sees that I can make her happy. That I’m good enough for her. That I’ll protect her, always, and love her until I take my last breath.
Thinking about Willow, talking about her with Max, makes me miss her. So, I send her a text. She’s having girls’ night, which brings a smile to my face. She’s keeping with her regular routine, trying to get back to some semblance of normalcy.
After showering off the long weekend, I’m about to crawl in bed when I get another text from her. My heart skips a beat until I read what it says, causing it to stop completely.
