Page 15 of Dirty Little Secret


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Willow

By the timeFinn tucks me in the passenger seat of his car, I am starting to feel woozy. My hand is pressed against my chest, over my heart as instructed, and wrapped in a kitchen towel already stained with blood.

My first thought when he arrives is,Damn, he looks good.

His hair’s damp, as if he’s just stepped out of the shower. His jeans hang low on his hips and his T-shirt is stretched tight across his chest. He looks drastically different than the last time I saw him. Though he looked good in a suit, this is my favorite look on Finn.

My second thought,I’m going to ruin his car.

Finn spent most of his teen years restoring a black 1970 Ford Mustang Mach 1 back to pristine condition. I remember nights he’d come over smelling like oil and grease, black soot still under his nails long after he showered. The last thing I wanted to do was get blood on the leather seats. This car was his baby.

“Deep breaths,” Finn encourages as he pulls away from the curb, accelerating as if I’m on the verge of dying at any second.

“Are you telling me or you?” I try to joke but he doesn’t even crack a smile. “I’m fine, really. Kendall didn’t need to call you. We could have taken an Uber.”

“What did I tell you the other day, LT? I’ll always be there for you.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you needed to give up whatever plans you had tonight to drive me to the hospital. It’s going to take hours, and I’m sure you’d rather be doing whatever it was you were doing.”

I don’t want to ask where he was or who he was with. I’ve been wondering about him all night, allowing my mind to slip away from the conversation with my friends from time to time. Daydreaming about our summers spent by the pool. Wondering if I screwed up my one chance with him the other night when I pushed him away.

I can’t right now. I’m sorry.

I wanted to tell him I felt the same. That I wanted to be with him, too. More than anything. He was all I wanted. But I couldn’t. So, I pushed him away and yet here he is, pushing back. Finding a way to be around me. In my life.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he finally says as we pull into the parking lot of the emergency room.

That doesn’t tell me what he was up to before Kendall text him which is what I really want to know.

I’m shown back to a room as soon as we arrive. One look at my finger by the triage nurse and I was whisked away. Finn wasn’t allowed to come back with me, but that didn’t stop him from staying updated about what was going on.

FINN: Has the doctor come in yet?

ME: No. I told you I’d let you know as soon as he does.

FINN: You’ve been back there for twenty minutes. How long did they say before he would be in?

ME: They didn’t. STOP WORRYING.

FINN: I’ll always worry about you, LT. Especially when I can’t see for myself that you’re okay.

ME: You saw me in the car. Didn’t I look okay to you?

FINN: You looked gorgeous but that’s not what I meant, and you know it. I should have lied and said you were my fiancée, so they’d let me back there.

His words cause a shiver to run up my spine. I stare at his message, reading it over and over again, wondering what it would be like if I really were Finn’s fiancée. What would life be like with him? I can’t even imagine it. Ourrelationshiplasted all of twelve hours last time. Not long enough to make a proper assessment of whether or not he’s boyfriend material let alone husband material.

FINN: Where did you go? Did the doctor come in finally?

ME: No. It’s hard to type with one hand.

FINN: You weren’t having an issue a minute ago. Where’d you go? I didn’t mean to freak you out, LT. It’s not like I’m about to drop to one knee, but I won’t lie and say I’ve never thought about us together. Married. Kids. A house and a dog. The whole package.

Holy hell! I can’t deal with this right now. I appreciate Finn’s honesty but it’s too much to deal with. I still haven’t figured out where I want to go from here, and now he’s putting ideas in my head. Ideas I’d love nothing more than to entertain. Me pregnant with Finn’s child for starters.

ME: Doc’s here.

It’s a lie and I guarantee he knows it. Thankfully, he doesn’t call me out, and five minutes later, the doctor really does arrive. Six stitches and an hour after the being called back to the room, Finn and I are walking out of the ER. He reaches for my good hand but hesitates when he sees the look in my eye.

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